tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19614523617448504232024-03-21T10:13:53.612-07:00my lifethoughts on life in generalaprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08287821086607254668noreply@blogger.comBlogger72125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961452361744850423.post-44363746625827420712009-05-26T20:45:00.000-07:002009-05-26T20:46:19.784-07:00thoughts and wisdomI found this weekly wisdom on a great site that I visit frequently, and wanted to share it b/c it holds so much truth.<br /><br />I always feel compelled to share my inner struggles with others, b/c that is being honest about MY true self. Not to necessarily call attention to it, but to show others that we all have our issues we battle!<br /><br />It is easy to sit back and judge anothers situations, decisions, lifestyle etc, but that is NOT my job. I think I forget too quickly how it feels to have my face on the other side of judging finger.<br /><br /><a name="daily-bible-verse"></a>"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."<br /><a name="daily-bible-verse-reference"></a>John 15:12-13 (NIV)<br /><br /><a name="content"></a>Copyright 2009 ChristNotes<br />***What advertising agencies do for their clients, we're called to do for Christ.<br />You've probably heard these slogans: "Just do it," "Drivers wanted," and "It's everywhere you want to be." And you've almost certainly heard of Nike, Volkswagen, and Visa; however, you probably have never heard of the advertising agencies that coined those slogans: Wieden & Kennedy; Arnold Communications; and Batten, Barton, Durstine & Osborn.<br />In a lot of ways, we're supposed to be like those advertising agencies. We are called to proclaim the name of Jesus to the entire world; we're not called to proclaim the name of our denomination, our ministry, our church, or our pastor.<br /><br />Compare how often you talk about your church or your pastor versus how often you talk about Jesus.<br />When unbelievers see Christianity, I can't help but wonder how many of them simply see a bunch of denominations fighting about petty issues: Contemporary vs. traditional worship? Drums and guitar vs. organ and hymns? Powerpoint slides vs. hymn book? Jeans and tee-shirt vs. suit and tie?<br /><br />Instead, wouldn't our testimony to the world be so much better if, with one voice, we proclaimed "Jesus!"? In Romans 15:9, Paul writes, Therefore I will praise you among the Gentiles; I will sing hymns to your name. Paul's singular focus was on making the name of Jesus known throughout the world.<br /><br />It's not about your church, your ministry, your Bible study, your small group, or your denomination. Your single focus should be on shouting the name of Jesus to all peoples. Your life should be a walking advertisement for the hope, peace, and joy that's available to all people in Christ.***<br /><br />WOW, impacting and true!<br />Be a blessing....<br />-aprilaprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08287821086607254668noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961452361744850423.post-82618750055620965172009-05-08T19:42:00.000-07:002009-05-08T19:43:52.311-07:00My book....ahhh completion!I am so beyond excited! I got my full manuscript back from the 2nd editor, and I have made all the corrections and I have just a few more little finishing touches, and it is DONE!<br /><br />Next is title and cover, but those are just the icing on the cake! I really cannot believe that I am finally here. Me and Andy were talking about it last night, and I asked him to honestly tell me if he thought I would ever finish this, and he said no. I agree with him. I may have been working on this for 10 years, but it was never the right time.<br /><br />God has done some amazing work in my life, and to Him I dedicate it all! Without His loving and protective grace I would not be typing these words! I hope to use this book to help glorify His name, and allow people to see through my story that it is Never to late...God is always waiting on us.<br /><br />I am nervous (just a little) b/c I am very exposed and raw in my story, but I believe if I wasn't there would be no point at even writing it. I want to be real. I want people to feel each emotion, I don't sugar coat it. Not one bit. I am sure it may make some people angry, but this is MY story. This was how it felt to that little girl (me).<br /><br />Anyway...i am just over the moon knowing it has finally come full circle! Thanks to all of you that have continued to pray and encourage me...hugs to you all. You all will be the first to know as soon as I get it ready to release!!<br /><br />My husband....there are no words. I would not have had the courage to get all those police reports, and read them without you. Thank you for trying to protect me...thank you for sticking by my side and showing me how much our Heavenly Father can change us. Without your support I would have never finished this on top of everything else...I love you!<br />This verse came to my mind as I thought of my “seasons” of life....<br /><br />For everything there is a season,And a time for every matter under heaven:A time to be born, and a time to die;A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;A time to kill, and a time to heal;A time to break down, and a time to build up;A time to weep, and a time to laugh;A time to mourn, and a time to dance;A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;A time to seek, and a time to lose;A time to keep, and a time to throw away;A time to tear, and a time to sew;A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;A time to love, and a time to hate,A time for war, and a time for peace.<br />Ecclesiastes 3:1-8<br /><br />Love to you all-<br />Aaprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08287821086607254668noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961452361744850423.post-66526679276910256352009-04-20T20:08:00.000-07:002009-04-20T20:10:30.458-07:00Awesome insightFail to bring your cares to God, and you are not only saying, "I don't need you" but also, "I don't want you around right now. I'm busy dealing with this problem." As is so often the case, Jesus provides us with the example.<br /><br />Then Jesus brought them to an olive grove called Gethsemane, and he said, "Sit here while I go on ahead to pray." He took Peter and Zebedee's two sons, James and John, and he began to be filled with anguish and deep distress. He told them, "My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and watch with me." He went on a little farther and fell face down on the ground, praying, "My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will, not mine." (<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/bible?passage=Matthew+26:36-39" target="_blank">Matthew 26:36-39</a>)<br /><br />Let's first take note of the fact that the night before His greatest trial and suffering, Jesus wants nothing more than to spend time with the Father. Though He must be weary and worn out as His disciples are, there is no greater priority for the Lord than to pray. But what is perhaps more surprising is that Jesus is asking for something He knows He cannot have. When Jesus asks, "Let this cup be taken from me", He is perfectly aware that it is the Father's will for Him to proceed, so why even ask? Jesus speaks these words not to seek a result, but simply to express His anguish and anxiety.<br /><br />Jesus is not asking for a reprieve; He is asking for comfort. Just as we must do, Jesus is asking His father to be with Him, support Him and give Him the strength to endure what must be done. This is the pattern our prayers must follow. Tell the Lord everything you need and share with Him every care and worry that is on your mind. Don't seek a resolution, but seek God instead and you will receive peace and comfort, along with God's best solution thrown in for free.<br /><br /> It almost certainly won't be the solution you had in mind, and it may not be easy to endure, but it will be the right solution in the long run. --"Delve into Jesus: Devotional (BibleGateway)aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08287821086607254668noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961452361744850423.post-72904811792518229462008-09-11T19:39:00.000-07:002008-09-11T19:41:37.493-07:00Be a blessing and Serve<strong>Luke 17:9-10</strong> <em>9Would he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? 10So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.' "</em><br /><br />Well, I should be studying for my finals, doing laundry, working on my book…etc! But I needed to blog…my release and reflection on what God has shown me today.<br /><br />Me and Andrew had the opportunity to fill in for a couple that usually serve at the Rescue Mission once a month to serve meals. With how hectic life has been, I somewhat faltered when Andrew brought it up, but then I quickly realized that is another opportunity to serve others and show them Christ.<br /><br />What an unbelievably humbling experience that was. I tried very hard not to show pity, b/c they still need to feel they have self worth. I won’t say it was easy. It broke my heart, but also was a reality check on how many things we all take for granted every day. Driving to the grocery, actually having money to BUY groceries. And how many times do I pull into the gas station just for a fountain pop? So much waste.<br /><br />I also was able to see what not being able to break cycles, and chains of addiction can do if unresolved. When we feel alone it is easy to turn inward, but we must let our prides go and reach out. That one took me a long time to figure out!<br /><br />I want my children to experience what I did. It killed me to see young kids coming through there. Survivors. I get it; I was them at one time.<br /><br />I encourage everyone to take a moment out of your life, and serve even if it is only that one time. It will help to humble you and put your life into a perspective that tends to get lost in the hustle and bustle of our busy lives.<br /><br /><em><span style="font-family:georgia;"><strong>Serving God</strong></span></em><br /><em></em>by<br />Max Lucado<br />On one side stands the crowd.<br />Jeering, baiting, demanding.<br />On the other stands a peasant.<br />Swollen lips. Lumpy eye. Lofty promise.<br />One promises acceptance,<br />The other a cross.<br />One offers flesh and flash,<br />The other offers faith.<br />The crowd challenges, “follow us and fit in.”<br />Jesus promises, “follow me and stand out.”<br />They promise to please.<br />God promises to save.<br />God looks at you and asks…<br /><em>Which will be your choice?</em>aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08287821086607254668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961452361744850423.post-58741617424350399302008-09-09T20:28:00.000-07:002008-09-09T20:30:30.840-07:00Listen for it..<span style="color:#6666cc;">This week has carried so many different emotions and it is only Tuesday night! Within the last couple of days I have found out that Tre has to have his tonsils, adenoids taken out, and tubes in his ears. I also was informed the 2 day trial for termination of Tre and Aneesa’s mom and dad’s rights, just so happens to fall on December 22 & 23. </span><br /><br /><span style="color:#6666cc;">The anxiety kicked into overdrive yesterday. I have to be realistic and understand the system does not always do its job, and from what I have had to deal with…let us just say I am not impressed. Reality hit me like a ton of bricks; these kids could go back. What!? After everything, there is a chance? Why yes there is according to our wonderful court system.</span><br /><br /><span style="color:#6666cc;">As I sat in my room last night shooting off emails, I took a break and read some news on the web. In a matter of minutes I had read how a 2year old in southern Indiana tested positive for meth, and the case worker did <strong>NOT </strong>remove the child even after the <strong>POSITIVE </strong>test. The child died 2 weeks later at the hands of his mother for she hit him with a blunt forced object. This my friends is our system working at its finest.</span><br /><br /><span style="color:#6666cc;">I don’t know what is going to happen. Chelsey won’t even let me discuss it with her b/c she absolutely refuses to let go of the kids no matter what. This could devastate so many in one fail swoop. I am an obsessor and acknowledging that fact helps me to try and focus on not letting it overtake me completely.</span><br /><br /><span style="color:#6666cc;">Today after Andy got home, Aneesa was sitting on his lap, and I asked her if she knew her bible verse for this week. (she didn’t do so hot last weeks) and she proudly recited it for me verbatim. It was one of those moments you don’t always feel in the day to day grind, but I could only imagine how God was smiling down on her. Reciting His word. Praise God.</span><br /><br /><span style="color:#6666cc;">Ironically it took me till tonight to have that <em>aha</em> moment. I was reading a book, and it hit me. How appropriate her verse was for this week…I was stressing, struggling, trying to understand that somehow this will all work out, and the verse hit me “<em><strong>Luke 1:37 For nothing is impossible with God."</strong></em></span><br /><br /><span style="color:#6666cc;">6 simple words, but words I needed to be reminded of.</span>aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08287821086607254668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961452361744850423.post-28352082637869625042008-08-30T20:54:00.000-07:002008-08-30T20:57:31.499-07:00Patience is a virtue<span style="font-family:georgia;color:#6666cc;">How many times do I not react the way I should? How many times do I lose my temper, and say or do something that is so unbelievably unChristlike?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#6666cc;">More times than I would like to admit. This last week has been one of the harder weeks in awhile. Trying to get back into a routine with the kids going back to school, finding out that I will have to go to school 3 nights a week this coming quarter(so I can graduate in the spring!!), and just the day to day that occurs in our family.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#6666cc;">We are on our second kindergarten for Aneesa b/c of the behavioral issues that we continue to have with her due to the FAS, the post traumatic stress, and the anxiety disorders that she deals with day to day. The majority of the time I grab the bulls by the horn and don’t flinch, this week though I was ready to throw in the towel.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#6666cc;">We got a call from the school almost every day, and by Friday by 9 in the morning, we had to pick her up. Just the basic skills that our children take for granted, she does not have. This is the first year of her life where structure, rules, and socialization have become her new way of life. At almost 6 years old, that is a reality that I know overwhelms her.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#6666cc;">She became so out of control again, that my patience was gone. I couldn’t do it anymore. Once Andrew got home, I went upstairs to my room and just let the tears flow that had been in check for quite awhile. As a mother we just want to fix things for our kids, we want the best for them, and we want them to be happy and know they are loved. Well on all of those, I decided to give myself a beating on. I felt like I had failed everyone, and I was becoming wrapped in my negativity that I hadn’t seen in a longgg time.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#6666cc;">Andrew came up, and said you know we have to take this one day at a time. No more, no less. I know this. I have lived by it for the last 2.5 years, but sometimes someone else has to point it out. I asked him how in the world God forgives us, has an abounding patience, and just doesn’t strangle us when we are clearly not doing His will? It is beyond my understanding. I just need to be faithful, trust Him, and pray.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#6666cc;">So simple you say? Obviously not to the stubborn blonde typing on this computer. But by the grace of God I will have tomorrow to try and do it right again.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="color:#6666cc;"><em><strong>Psalm 19:14 (New International Version)</strong></em> 14 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.<br /><br /><br /> </span></span>aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08287821086607254668noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961452361744850423.post-53047834412468752212008-08-12T19:12:00.000-07:002008-08-12T19:29:15.078-07:00Would you do it again?<em>Given the opportunity to do anything over again, knowing what you know now, would you make the same choice?</em> There is a reason why we don’t know the future or end results of something until it is done. Some are lessons learned, and some given the opportunity to change our minds would affect so many in a domino effect. Our choices have an end result, whether it is positive or negative. We hold the power sometimes to either roll up our sleeves and feel a little discomfort, or we can stay in our comfort zone b/c change and sacrifice are “too hard.”<br /><br />My grandma <em>never </em>would accept that excuse, and bless her heart she passed that little piece of knowledge onto me. If everything were easy where is the payoff in that? Easy is not always right, the hard way is not always right; so than how do we know what we are called to do? We tend to complicate the uncomplicated. Why is that? We justify our actions and decisions based on emotions or what “you” did to me or what “he/she” did to me. How many are tossed to the waste side b/c we don’t feel like diving in?<br /><br /><em>Is your family really that important?</em> Do they know they are? Is God first, and if He is than do you follow His commands when it comes to being there for each brother and sister? Or are you too busy with “life?” Too busy trying to obtain those material things that at the end don’t matter anyway? Will you stand in front of our Lord and Savior and offer him your expensive home? Our fancy cars? Or our expansive lawns, perfectly manicured with that picket fence, and 2.5 dogs? Basketball games, baseball games, lessons of every kind and everything else we cram into our lives?<br /><br />Am I being sarcastic, yes and no. These are real questions and thoughts to ponder. Do we want to? No, most will read some of this and walk away believing I am insane or on a soap box, well yes I am, and yes I am to both! <em> We always will give it thought, and say you know what “I really do need to cut some of this out”, but we don’t</em>. It is forgotten as quickly as it is thought about. How sad is that? Are we really that important? Do we really believe all this “stuff” will get us where we truly need to be?<br /><br />The reason for my rant. Multiple reasons. Today I had to go listen to the results of Aneesa’s psychological evaluation, one of the many tests that has been done on her. As I sat there and listened to the doctor (of 20years experience) tell me that Aneesa's IQ is below average, that she is functioning at a 4yr old level, and that the child lives every day in constant fear because of what she has been through, and that because of the Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (statistical average) her mentality will only reach 7-9yrs old. Even when she is 45! Do you have any idea how much my heart sank? <strong>That little girl has been robbed!</strong> Why? <em>Choices.</em> There is a 99.9% chance Trevon will be the same coupled with the effects of the autism.<br /><br />Back to my original question, would I take these kids if I knew than what I know now? As I drove home so many things were running through my head, and that was a big question for me. What if Tre would have been a great football player, but can’t go anywhere with it b/c he will struggle to just understand daily life skills? What possibilities have been taken away from Aneesa? Where is the fairness in this? There are no platitudes that make this better, but what I did realize is God put our family in these children’s lives for a reason. I stand firm on His hope that given the love, stability, and nurturing these kids have a better chance to live “normal lives”. I also told myself to stop complaining about the discomfort of all the changes, and turn that complaining into rejoicing at the opportunity that lies before me in nuturing these kids through faith and love. ( i know "me not complain?" the earth may stop on its axis!!)<br /><br />I embrace the hope that I have in God that through Him all things are possible. Again I don’t know what the future holds, but does that matter? No, these kids did NOTHING wrong. There is NO excuse that I am willing to listen to of why more people don’t get out there and help. Picture <em>your</em> child living in fear everyday with NOONE to turn to. Is the road going to be rough, definitely, but I have a great husband who has been my biggest supporter standing behind me ready and willing to fight this fight together. I have watched Andrew’s heart and mind change in the last year, and I can’t tell you how lucky I am that his mission is now the same as mine. Finally we are a team, and we can take our experience, strength and hope out to the battlefield and try to touch lives. Bring others and small children to Christ. Isn’t that what we are supposed to be doing in our lives anyhow?<br /><br />Now as you go back to your life, as i know you will, my words will fade...just as most words do, but the <strong><em>truth</em></strong> remains the same. Live with that.<br /><br /><strong>Ecclesiastes 4:11-13 (New International Version)<br /></strong> 11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?<br /> 12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08287821086607254668noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961452361744850423.post-80198544013258308722008-08-11T07:44:00.000-07:002008-08-11T07:48:33.262-07:00Capturing your thoughts...I thought this was very interesting. Great way to put things into perspective. So very true to us all...Hard truths, but real truths.<br /><br />TAKE EVERY THOUGHT CAPTIVEby Max Lucado<br />Today's thoughts are tomorrow's actions.Today's jealousy is tomorrow's temper tantrum. Today's bigotry is tomorrow's hate crime.Today's anger is tomorrow's abuse.Today's lust is tomorrow's adultery.Today's greed is tomorrow's embezzlement.Today's guilt is tomorrow's fear.<br /><br />Could that be why Paul writes, <em>"Love … keeps no record of wrongs" (1 Cor. 13:5 NIV</em>)?Some folks don't know we have an option.Paul says we do: "<em>We capture every thought and make it give up and obey Christ" (2 Cor. 10:5).</em>What if you did that? What if you took every thought captive? What if you took the counsel of Solomon: <em><span style="color:#ff0000;">"Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life" (Prov. 4:23).</span></em>You are not a victim of your thoughts. You have a vote.<br /><br />You have a voice. You can exercise thought prevention. Change the thoughts, and you change the person. If today's thoughts are tomorrow's actions, what happens when we fill our minds with thoughts of God's love? <strong>Will standing beneath the downpour of his grace change the way we feel about others?Paul says absolutely! It's not enough to keep the bad stuff out</strong>. We've got to let the good stuff in. It's not enough to keep no list of wrongs. We have to cultivate a list of blessings.<br /><br /> The same verb Paul uses for keeps in the phrase "keeps no list of wrongs" is used for think in <em>Philippians 4:8: "Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things" (RSV).</em> Thinking conveys the idea of pondering—studying and focusing, allowing what is viewed to have an impact on us.<br /><br /><strong><em>Rather than store up the sour, store up the sweet.</em></strong>aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08287821086607254668noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961452361744850423.post-53363169614964178842008-07-29T10:06:00.000-07:002008-07-29T10:10:37.119-07:00Refocusing...Philippians 4:4-7 4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Rejoice in the Lord always…</span>do I? No, and why is that b/c I am a selfish sinner who needs to constantly be redeemed by my Lord and Savior. I too often get so caught up in worldly things that I truly have no control over.<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Let you gentleness be evident to all</span>…gee big NO on that one too. I have been far from gentle lately. I am so frustrated; angry with the system that I have let it overrule any goodness and prayer I should be focusing on. I pray for a gentle heart.<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Do not be anxious about anything</span>…wow am I failing or what?! I am one big ball of anxious. Our lives are in limbo on many levels, and it is hard not to let the anxiety rule me and my actions. Is that a good excuse? Absolutely not. <span style="color:#ff0000;">But in everything by prayer and petition</span>. It sounds so simple, but my pride and own emotions sometimes become my road block to conversation with my Father.<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Present your requests</span>…all I want right now is to know that what I am doing is the right thing. I feel so stretched, but I should be focusing on what God has given me. As I read last night we are to live as a family of God. Being there for each other including the orphans and widows, and I just don’t see that happening. Our lives are going 20 different directions, and we collapse at night. I have nothing left to give at the end of the day. Are all these things that we have going on in our lives going to matter when it comes to the end? No.<br /><br />Most do not think about their mortality often, except for maybe the older we get. I have really begun to think of my mortality. My husband’s friend just lost his mother to cancer. She was only in her 50’s, and was a God serving, non-smoking, no drugs woman, but our Father took her home. When I think of my life ending before my children are married, and have kids it almost makes me crazy. Is my heart right? Have I lived for the Lord? Will Jesus be there ready to greet me?<br /><br />One thing that I did realize while reading was the phrase “saturate yourself in God’s word”. I need saturated in His word, b/c that is the only way I will know what He wants me to do. <span style="color:#ff0000;">And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.<br /></span>aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08287821086607254668noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961452361744850423.post-54384125735149358012008-07-03T07:31:00.000-07:002008-07-03T07:32:28.063-07:00journeyLife is a journey. Sometimes that journey is so difficult you are not quite sure you are going to make it through. Sometimes you slip off the road into a ditch, and just hope and pray someone comes by to help you out…occasionally they will, and occasionally they won’t. That is where faith comes in…trusting that the Lord will get you through no matter how impossible the road may seem.<br /><br />Why am I contemplating this? I sometimes have to step back and look at where I am where I am going and determine if I am down in that ditch again. One would think you would just know, but sometimes being isolated and hopeless is easier than actually doing anything about it without someone holding your hand.<br /><br />My little Chelsey got her permit to drive on Tuesday. I am going through the emotions that involves. Scared, anxious, sad, and excited for her. I feel like just yesterday we were in the hospital and she was so proud of her painted toenails! Now, my baby is going to be driving…Time just fly’s by, and I can’t help but think did I teach her enough, love her enough to set her free? All my screw ups, will that hinder her?<br /><br />I don’t have answers to those questions except I have done the best I could with the tools I had, which were few! I am very grateful I get to share this with her, b/c I had no one to share it with or be excited with when I was her age.<br /><br />This journey of my life has been a long one. Sometimes I get it, and other times I just can’t wrap my mind around all I have endured. As I slowly sift through the truths and ashes of my childhood it is very easy to sink into a pit of despair. Questions arise…how could they, why did they, why didn’t they? Overwhelming since of disgust and anger is what I am trying to work through right now. It is very difficult…<br /><br />My niece, who is still living with us, just recently had an array of genetic testing done on her. When I went in to get the results I was relieved that she didn’t have anything life threatening, but devastated to find out she has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Now I must get my nephew tested as well. Those questions come back...how could she, why did she…<br /><br />I have really been analyzing much of my life. It amazes me, scares me, confuses me…and so on. I am definitely at a place of riding the fence. Not sure why, but all I can think is that my walls are my defense mechanisms b/c of so much happening in a short amount of time. I am not relying on Him, but on me. That is a problem, and I am struggling with it.<br /><br /><em>“Do not dismiss your dreams.To be without dreams is to be without hope.To be without hope is to be without purpose.Do not run through life so fast that you forget not only where you have been, but also where you are going.<br />Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.”<br /></em>aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08287821086607254668noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961452361744850423.post-79317423220999386132008-06-11T05:53:00.000-07:002008-06-11T05:57:51.768-07:00What powerful lyrics, did she watch my childhood?<span style="color:#3333ff;">Concrete Angel by Martina McBride-</span><br /><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;">she walks to school with a lunch she packed </span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;">nobody knows what she's holding back wearing the same dress she wore yesterday </span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;">she hides the bruises with the linen and lace the teacher wonders but she doesn't ask </span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"></span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;">it's hard to see the pain behind the mask </span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;">bearing the burden of a secret stormsometimes she wishes she was never born</span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"></span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;">CHORUS: through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone in a world that she can't rise above but her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved </span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"></span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;">concrete angel somebody cries in the middle of the night</span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;">the neighbors hear but they turn out the light </span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;">a fragile soul caught in the hands of fate when morning comes it'll be too late</span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"></span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;">a statue stands in a shaded place an angel girl with an upturned face</span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;">a name is written on a polished rock a broken heart that the world forgot</span>aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08287821086607254668noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961452361744850423.post-72658228915712652372008-06-10T20:49:00.000-07:002008-06-10T20:49:57.567-07:00Letting it all go...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvncaGBwkcM1jE97MQR6pshdkI3deWeMWN-V3482Eb3y0JiSggjrQ3rjaOVMBNaRTYOi6ulBATHkNNan5ofELNv-fM-uJcz0tvch-r-is1OAJ8gD7jYI1PLkM3RFB9K02QvKV94QWy0iU/s1600-h/Sunset.jpg"><img style="CLEAR: both; FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvncaGBwkcM1jE97MQR6pshdkI3deWeMWN-V3482Eb3y0JiSggjrQ3rjaOVMBNaRTYOi6ulBATHkNNan5ofELNv-fM-uJcz0tvch-r-is1OAJ8gD7jYI1PLkM3RFB9K02QvKV94QWy0iU/s160/Sunset.jpg" border="0" /></a> <span style="color:#ff0000;">"</span><a href="http://thinkexist.com/quotation/consider_how_hard_it_is_to_change_yourself_and/7877.html"><span style="color:#ff0000;">Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.</span></a><span style="color:#ff0000;">”<br /><br /><br /><br />How do I get to my safe place? Today was a day I indeed do not want repeated. I want to scream at the top of my lungs “why do I see what you cannot!!!”<br /><br />The system is so aggravating, unleveled to say the least, but overall there to protect the wrong people. It seems now that I know what I know about my parents everything takes on a new light. I am so angry that they are not sharing this burden with me. It is hard b/c I have to be careful when riding the fine line of resentment. It can put me in an ugly place.<br /><br />I still am struggling to get back in step with the Lord. I find that when I feel the most vulnerable is when I pull up anchor, and close up inside from everyone. That is my safe place. Is it really safe? No, b/c it alienates me from everyone including my Lord and Savior. The difference is I know that now, but it doesn’t make it easier!<br /><br />I don’t know what is going to happen in the coming months, but I hope and pray I let go of these reigns b/c they are dragging me down, but I can’t seem to let go. I want all the answers, but I know that is so unrealistic. <br /><br />Today my baby boy turned 14. I can’t even believe it. I feel very blessed with my children, and I got 2 phone calls today that were beyond frustrating. I just don’t get it. Letting go…why is it so hard?</span><div style='clear:both; text-align:LEFT'><a href='http://picasa.google.com/blogger/' target='ext'><img src='http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif' alt='Posted by Picasa' style='border: 0px none ; padding: 0px; background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 50%; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial;' align='middle' border='0' /></a></div>aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08287821086607254668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961452361744850423.post-39455850384519389222008-05-27T19:36:00.000-07:002008-05-27T19:37:18.502-07:00Information OverloadProverbs 22:6 - Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. By following God's word we can raise children who avoid evil and serve God faithfully.<br /><br />I have recently been able to obtain all of the files, with countless information, on my parents from 25 years ago. I believed that in order for me to move on I had to fill in the missing pieces to the puzzle called my life.<br /><br />Now that I know, I am just numb. I don’t know what to feel or think. I am disappointed, hurt, angry, and just numb. I have to disassociate myself from it or I will spiral into an abyss. Who were these people? Why did they not love me?<br /><br />I must move on. I have to absorb this information little by little, and figure out how to forgive. If I don’t, it will poison me. I have been forgiven for so much, and out of all this I realize how unbelievable the hand of God truly is. He was there…I know He was. Watching over me, and knowing He was not through with me yet. I still struggle though…your parents are supposed to protect and love you, not try and destroy you.<br /><br />I was at my in-laws this evening, and God love my father in law Jim. He said above all else love Jesus…anyone that knows what Jim has gone through in the last year and half can only appreciate that, and say halleluiah. Amazing…<br /><br />Though this is hard, it makes me love my children all the more, and motivates me to get my story out there and educate people on the importance of doing your part to be a voice for an innocent child.aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08287821086607254668noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961452361744850423.post-62241395413042616432008-05-19T21:11:00.000-07:002008-05-19T21:13:02.693-07:00DecisionsI have said this before, “be careful what you wish for”. Right now I have in front of me what I thought, initially, was an awesome chance to share my life, my testimony, and my faith to those that need hope. Life isn’t always that cut and dry…I am trying to figure out what decision I should make without “selling” myself out.<br /><br />My life and what has happened is an important part of who I am. While I am willing to share this, I am not sure I want to hand it over to someone to depict or spin the way they “see” it.<br /><br />I just needed to spill that out…do I know how this is going to go? No, but I know that God willing I will make the decision that will glorify Him.<br /><br />I know this blog is vague, but if you are reading say a quick prayer to the Lord to give me direction and guidance with the decisions that lie before me.<br /><br /><em>For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin--real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that <strong>these obstacles</strong> <strong>were my life</strong>.-- Alfred D. Souza<br /></em>aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08287821086607254668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961452361744850423.post-35666185102121949342008-05-14T10:26:00.000-07:002008-05-14T10:30:25.850-07:00Rest in HimLyrics by Jaci Velasquez...powerful song for me at this season of my life.<br /><br />Lord, I'm in the dark,<br />Seems to me the line is dead when I come calling.<br />No one there, the sky is falling;<br />Lord, I need to know.<br /><br /><em>My mind is playing games again,You're right where You have always been.</em><br /><em>Take me back to You,The place that I once knew as a little child;</em><br /><em>Constantly the eyes of God watched over me.</em><br /><br />Oh, I want to beIn the place that I once knew as a little child,<br />Fall into the bed of faith prepared for me.I will rest in You,I will rest in You,<br />I will rest in You.Tell me I'm a fool,Tell me that You love me for the fool I am,<br /><br />[And*] comfort me like only You can,And tell me there's a place<br />Where I can feel Your breath<br />Like sweet caresses on my face again.<br /><br />Take me back to You,The place that I once knew as a little child;<br />Constantly the eyes of God watched over me.<br />Oh, I want to beIn the place that I once knew as a little child,<br /><br />Fall into the bed of faith prepared for me.I will rest in You,<br />I will rest in You,I will rest in You.aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08287821086607254668noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961452361744850423.post-25292847113997709502008-04-28T07:15:00.000-07:002008-04-28T07:18:08.827-07:00life passing by<strong>Deuteronomy 31:6 (New International Version)<br /></strong><em>6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."</em><br /><em><br /></em>It has been a long time since I last posted, but life has not slowed down even a bit. We have more life changing issues going on in our lives right now, but what is ever new?<br /><br />I again feel like I have lost my path with God. I have been so caught up in trying to fight the system, but the system keeps pushing me back and down, which is beginning to take its toll. I feel so defeated and want to give up, but I know that isn’t an option.<br /><br />Every one in the family is struggling right now, and the strain of the last year has worn on all of us. Sometimes doing the right thing doesn’t always produce the fruit until much later.<br /><br />Why is it so easy to fall off track? I feel so anxious and disengaged with life. I hate feeling this way, but I have been overwhelmed in so many areas and not talking with God. My journaling and reading have dwindled, and I can see the results.<br /><br />He is there I just keeping ignoring Him. I am just very down on myself b/c it seems like everyone in my life is not happy for one reason or another.<br /><br />Lord help me…aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08287821086607254668noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961452361744850423.post-1922320676687490582008-03-07T20:53:00.000-08:002008-03-07T21:04:00.541-08:00The time is NOW<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVeOV1G-pQmTcnhcfWLmbYwDo7o6Xq42X0XLoLEoPNIp0W0R-BhIj1TCU0E23Z77BTkqMd7PB3Rmn29LtyiHHUFaKKgxUlBTciB7j5AvszpSTwO5ZC6qRzeZN8vi1pW0mWBjRvJRrpd7M/s1600-h/childabuse.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5175229607262889634" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVeOV1G-pQmTcnhcfWLmbYwDo7o6Xq42X0XLoLEoPNIp0W0R-BhIj1TCU0E23Z77BTkqMd7PB3Rmn29LtyiHHUFaKKgxUlBTciB7j5AvszpSTwO5ZC6qRzeZN8vi1pW0mWBjRvJRrpd7M/s200/childabuse.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div><em>"Is child abuse a crime? This child's identity is protected because the courts may return the girl to her father, who beat her so severely she suffered brain damage" </em></div><div><em>(</em><a href="http://www.violence.de/prescott/hustler-new/article.html" target="_top"><em>www.violence.de/prescott/hustler-new/article.html</em></a><em>)</em></div><div><em></em> </div><div>This is so sickening, and soo unacceptable. My research paper for my COM class is, go figure, child abuse and neglect, and I cannot even express the disturbing numbers and cases I have come across. This is an epidemic, and WE all need to step up to the plate. NO child deserves this. NOT ONE! </div><div> </div><div>I plead with each of you, these kids are innocent, and though it may make you sad, it should make you mad as hell! We need to come together to fight legislation, and make the parents be held accountable to the utmost extreme in these horrendous cases like the one above. How in the world could you contemplate giving this child back to its parents? It is like handing your child over to the devil...</div><div> </div><div>God is my rock. He brought me through the abuse i endured. Now I am His warrior on a crusade...well it is just around my room right now, but it will become a movement. I know it...</div><div> </div><div>I will not sit back and keep my mouth shut, and for those that know me, know that is the truth!</div><div> </div><div>We are to help the children and widows...we are called to do it!</div>aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08287821086607254668noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961452361744850423.post-81516966861469086472008-03-06T09:26:00.000-08:002008-03-06T09:28:22.057-08:00It is March already?!!<span style="color:#ff6666;"><em>We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us. - E. M. Forester </em></span><br /><br />It has been quite awhile since I have posted last. Lots going on with all the kids, school and a new job.<br /><br />The last two months have been some of the hardest times I have had to deal with in awhile. My niece is really struggling right now. We had to hospitalize her, and I spend much of my week’s b/t therapists and psychiatrists for her. My nephew has been non-stop sick, and I think I have had him at the doctor almost every week! It has taken a toll on all of us.<br /><br />I really thought my life was going one direction, and I am trying to patiently understand what the Lord is trying to direct me to do now. I do know that one fire that has been ignited is the attitude I have towards our current child welfare system. Not enough is being done. Kids are dying everyday. That is unacceptable. Once we get through this season I am bound and determined to push for legislation changes.<br /><br />I totaled my van almost a month ago. I have never been so scared in my life. I literally saw my life flash before my eyes. I had the younger two with me, and all I could think of when I saw that we were going to hit the telephone pole, was dear God please let me take all the impact, and not the kids. And sure enough, I did! I was pinned in my van for what seems like forever. The kids didn’t have one scratch! Thank the Lord up above.<br /><br />That night I thought to myself how quickly your life can change in an instant again. I asked myself, if I hadn’t made it, have I said and done all the things I should have or could have before I leave this earth? Does all this small stuff really matter in the grander scheme of things?<br /><br />I am trying to focus on the road ahead, and His way for my life. I have been sidetracked with so much going on in the last few months that I feel detached b/c I stopped cultivating my relationship with Him daily. Time to reassess and get back on track!aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08287821086607254668noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961452361744850423.post-64876285445828023012008-02-08T19:54:00.000-08:002008-02-08T19:56:16.497-08:00Redemption<em>Every breath we take, every time our heart beats, everyday that the sun rises, every moment we see with our eyes or hear with our ears or speak with our mouths or walk with our legs is, for now, a free undeserved gift to sinners who deserve judgment. (Don’t Waste Your Life-John Piper)<br /><br /></em>The grander scheme of things…how many times have I heard that? None of us know what the grander scheme of things is, but we try very hard to wrap our minds around, analyze it, and however else we can make sense of what happens day to day.<br /><br />I have realized that in the last two days I have seen more senseless deaths in the news than I can count. It is depressing. There are these moments, I as a Christian, get the questions “why is God allowing this to happen?” I wish I knew. I do know that we all fall short, and the price we pay is living in this sin filled world, but what I do know is that He is still in control no matter what occurs. Is it sometimes hard to feel that? Yes, I say that emphatically. Of all people who understand it the most, I believe I do.<br /><br />We all have gifts to share with one another, and no it may not make the news, but it is there. Sometimes I feel like God isn’t hearing me, but I know it is me who isn’t listening. And I also know that sometimes I just don’t want to hear what He has to say b/c I want it to work out the way I believe it should.<br /><br />I recently revisited the book of Job. By no stretch of the imagination have I been through what he had, but I understand his inner battle. That book helps me to know it is okay not to understand, not to always agree, but in the end do not sin against the Lord. We are all redeemed through His grace.<br /><br />That is something that has been coming to my mind more so lately. Redemption. We all have the ability to be redeemed, but it is still our will and pride that can prevent us from that happening. I have been redeemed over and over again. For that I am so grateful, and I will do my best to try and rear all these children that have been given to me, in this very ugly world we live in right now. My prayer for them is not to get entangled in satan’s snare, b/c again out of anyone I definitely have been caught in that snare more than I would like to admit. But thank God for….<strong>Redemption!<br /></strong><br /><em><strong>Psalm 130:7<br />7 O Israel, put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full <span style="color:#ff0000;">redemption</span>.</strong></em>aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08287821086607254668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961452361744850423.post-66611433171049671382008-01-21T20:55:00.000-08:002008-01-21T20:58:49.049-08:00Purpose<em>Lamentations 3:24-29<br />I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."<br /> 25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;<br /> 26 it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.<br /> 27 It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young.<br /> 28 Let him sit alone in silence, for the LORD has laid it on him.<br /> 29 Let him bury his face in the dust— <strong>there may yet be hope.</strong></em><br /><em><strong><br /></strong></em>There are few things that tend to surprise me, but when I get to that point God puts something in my life that says do not question His ways. Again I have to repeat to myself, thy will be done, not my own.<br /><br />The last month and half has been insane, which is nothing new, but with it has come some trials that I would have never imagined.<br /><br />I have been wrestling with a question that I just didn’t really know where it was taking me. I kept asking myself “why am I here?” To think about all the things we wrap ourselves in, jobs, kids, family, money etc, while some of those things can be fulfilling, where does God come in at?<br /><br /> I got a book that I heard about during a church sermon a few weeks ago. The book was by John Piper, titled “Don’t waste your life”. It was that light bulb moment when the Holy Spirit moves you. I am only at the beginning, but he reinterates over and over that we are here to glorify God in ALL we do. Eating, sleeping, working, you know where I am going with that. I began to look at my days like that, and let me tell you it was hard!<br /><br />Not hard to glorify Him, but hard to glorify Him in the eye of the storms, the screaming kids, bill collectors, etc… But it did help me to redirect, and reassess what I might say and do given those situations.<br /><br />Can I say I am cured, and I am so full of purpose that I can’t stand it? No, I have to work on it daily. If I just got it, then why would I even need God? I am okay with being a work in progress. I know the Lord has “got my back!”<br /><br />I try to think of all the things that God has given me…some days are harder than others, but you know what if I can only be thankful for the air I breathe, I will thank him for that and move on.<br />God is good all the time, but we are not!<br /><br /><em>"We love Him because <strong>He first loved us</strong>."1 John 4:9-10<br /></em>aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08287821086607254668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961452361744850423.post-19304835999103283662007-12-16T20:39:00.000-08:002007-12-16T21:05:53.779-08:00Which part is me?<div align="right"><span style="color:#333399;">Exodus 34:7 (New International Version)<br />Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation."</span></div><br />I am struggling this evening with memories that have surfaced with my niece over the weekend. I feel physically ill and helpless b/c I really wish I could erase what has been done to her.<br />As I read in my bible tonight I came across this verse, and I remembered it from reading it before, but it really grabbed me tonight.<br /><br />I remember the first time I read it I was frustrated. I thought why in the world do I have to pay for what my parents and grandparents did? Where is the fairness in that!? But that is when I was looking at it from a defensive and clouded mind with “it is all about me” right?<br /><br />Hard to be totally honest, but hey that is why I blog. I know my children have paid for my sins and than some. Between my divorce, addiction, my past etc. I really don’t want to further dig into it, but I see how our future generations are affected by those who came before us.<br />It isn’t a death sentence. It is a guideline to life. Walking hand and hand with Jesus daily, and striving to live the best I can to show my children that even though they may screw up (and they will) ask for forgiveness, make amends and try to make it right.<br /><br />This definitely connects to my previous blog on understanding how much of a lasting impact we do have on our children, and subsequently our grandchildren whether you like it or not.<br />Please pray for peace, healing and rest for my niece. This is going to be long road to recovery, but I will not go down with out a fight. I will do all I can to protect her and the other kids, just as I would my own.<br /><br /><span style="color:#6600cc;">Hebrews 13:8 (New International Version)<br />Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.<br /> </span>aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08287821086607254668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961452361744850423.post-48525944233762032452007-12-12T11:26:00.000-08:002007-12-12T11:29:34.990-08:00Let my words be few...<strong>Eccles. 5:2<br /></strong>Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, <em>so let your words be few. </em><br /><br />I am so thrilled that the sun is shining today! The weather in the last week has been depressing. The kids have enjoyed the snow immensely, even though mom doesn’t because of all the wet clothes, boots and gloves! As I looked out at the yard and the new snow fall, it was a metaphor to me how God will wash us clean of our sin, and make us white as snow…<br /><br />The weeks are becoming more routine. Crazy, but routine nonetheless. I still have my moments of wanting to curl up in a ball and hide b/c of the unknowns, but I also have those blessed moments that outweigh the bad.<br /><br />The verse from Ecclesiastes seemed so appropriate for this day. This morning when I went to get my niece up for school, she got up, and looked so unbelievably sad. It broke my heart. I asked her what was wrong, and she said I miss my mom. Oh, there are no words to take that kind of pain away.<br /><br />All I could say was I know, and hug her. Words escaped me, but honestly I don’t think there are any. I am not going to make her feel all warm and fuzzy about something I really don’t know how it is going to turn out.<br /><br />We as parents have so much influence over how our kids feel emotionally. Even if parents don’t want that job, sorry that is life. The rejection and abandonment leaves an empty hole inside of you. You think there is something wrong with you b/c if there weren’t they would love me right? I know the truth now that I am older, but I am not sure someone could have convinced me when I was younger.<br /><br />I just have to wrap her in love, and reassure her that it isn’t her. And keep on prayin! ;)<br /><br />As I get ready to do my round trip of picking up kids, which takes me an hour, I will say my blessings for the wonderful family that I have!aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08287821086607254668noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961452361744850423.post-84881929715048941372007-12-03T19:55:00.000-08:002007-12-03T19:57:08.002-08:00Time<em>1 Thess. 2:4 For we speak as messengers approved by God to be entrusted with the Good News. Our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts. </em><br /><br />Once again it has been a minute since I last blogged. Seems like the time is just flying by. The weeks have been jam packed with kid’s appts. I have either dental, ortho, or doctor appts everyday this week! Lots of driving.<br /><br />Life has been eh okay. I have had the opportunity in the last two weeks to really delve into God’s word nightly, which has been good for me. Life gets away from us sometimes, we get bogged down with all the “stuff” especially with the holidays around the corner, that we lose sight of the really important things.<br /><br />I love Christmas. I always have. Every time I think of Christmas though it takes me back to better days with my grandmother in the kitchen non-stop making something! I really don’t know how she did it. All four of us kids underfoot, worked full-time, home cooked meals almost daily, and still had the energy to make all kinds of goodies around the holidays! She has inspired me so much.<br /><br />It has been awe inspiring to me to watch my niece grasping what the meaning of Christmas is. I was reminded in church service last Sunday that to be prayerful and thankful at ALL times. Not when things are going my way, or only when my life is in shambles, but all the time. It is difficult, I won’t lie. When you have 5 children needing you in 5 different directions, screaming, crying…must I go on?! I have found myself saying thank you God that I am blessed to be apart of this bigger picture I can’t yet see!<br /><br />My purpose is to serve my Father, and glorify Him in all I do.<br /><br />My husband has been my rock the last couple of weeks. What a great man to take on all he has with 2 extra children! I feel very blessed to call him my husband.<br /><br /><em>2 Thess. 3:5 May the Lord lead your hearts into a full understanding and expression of the love of God and the patient endurance that comes from Christ.</em>aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08287821086607254668noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961452361744850423.post-51923095764772786342007-11-21T22:37:00.000-08:002007-11-21T22:39:19.837-08:00Thank you!<em>Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity.... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow. </em><a href="http://www.wisdomquotes.com/003116.html"><em>Melodie Beattie</em></a><br /><br />As I think about tomorrow and what it means to each of us; it gives me a moment to reflect.<br />I have been very blessed in my life to have people put in my life over the course of my 33 years. God strategically placed those (even if for a season) there for a reason. Family is so important, but I have learned it does not have to be by blood that you call someone your family. It was a tough lesson to learn, but I get some of the reasons why it is so.<br /><br />We take for granted the love, security that some of us get with those people we call family. As I prayed with my niece tonight I recited the prayer I used to always say when I was a child. As I went through the list that I use to pray for (mom, dad, g-parents etc) I realized, sadly, that she really doesn’t have any of those things. She has never had grandparents, <strong>ever</strong>…that is so unbelievably sad when I know how important my grandmother was to me. She really doesn’t have any aunts, uncles, or cousins that she knows and or sees at any point and time.<br /><br />I have to say that broke my heart. All a child ever wants is to be loved. I am determined for my kids, and my niece and nephew to know that they are loved and safe as long as I breathe.<br /><br />Love those around you, reach out to someone who doesn’t have the great fortune that you do, and don’t take for granted that there will always be a tomorrow to tell them you love them.<br /><br /><em>Psalm 116:6-7The Lord protects those of childlike faith; I was facing death, and he saved me. Let my soul be at rest again, for the Lord has been good to me</em>aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08287821086607254668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961452361744850423.post-16701356585409562522007-11-20T07:32:00.000-08:002007-11-20T07:33:29.811-08:00Peace..…So if you would know His voice, never consider results or possible effects. Obey even when He asks you to move in the dark.<br />…And there will spring up rapidly in your heart an acquaintanceship and a fellowship with God which will hold you and Him together, even in severest testing’s. (Way of Faith book)<br /><br />Well it has been a minute since I last posted. Life is still as chaotic as ever, and has gotten more intense with my niece. I just try to make it through each day, and face the battle laid before me.<br /><br />I am trying very hard to just be patient, listen to God’s small voice, and do whatever I can to love all these children. They are a blessing even in the trials, and if I can focus on that than hopefully I can make it through the most trying times!<br /><br />I have had a peace in the last two weeks, and the obsessing over this whole situation has lightened. I feel very blessed to know my father knows what I can handle and what I can’t. I don’t know what is going to happen in the coming months, but I do know He is in control and loves these children as much as I do.<br /><br />I read through Ephesians last night, and the apostle Paul wrote something that reached out to me…<em>May your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love...Eph. 3:17</em> What a great way to think of my relationship as it continues to grow with Him daily. That He is never changing, it is me who chooses to turn away and not follow the path He has laid before me. He will always open His arms to me, and provide that safety and love. What a great feeling!<br /><br />My focus right now is trying to keep gratitude at the front. I have to focus on the all that has been given to us, and all that can be given if we obey His commandments. The quote from the movie Forrest Gump comes to mind…Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your gonna get! Isn’t that the truth!?<br /><br /><em>Ephesians 5:17<br />Don’t act thoughtlessly, but try to understand what the Lord wants you to do.</em>aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08287821086607254668noreply@blogger.com1