Which part is me?

Exodus 34:7 (New International Version)
Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation."

I am struggling this evening with memories that have surfaced with my niece over the weekend. I feel physically ill and helpless b/c I really wish I could erase what has been done to her.
As I read in my bible tonight I came across this verse, and I remembered it from reading it before, but it really grabbed me tonight.

I remember the first time I read it I was frustrated. I thought why in the world do I have to pay for what my parents and grandparents did? Where is the fairness in that!? But that is when I was looking at it from a defensive and clouded mind with “it is all about me” right?

Hard to be totally honest, but hey that is why I blog. I know my children have paid for my sins and than some. Between my divorce, addiction, my past etc. I really don’t want to further dig into it, but I see how our future generations are affected by those who came before us.
It isn’t a death sentence. It is a guideline to life. Walking hand and hand with Jesus daily, and striving to live the best I can to show my children that even though they may screw up (and they will) ask for forgiveness, make amends and try to make it right.

This definitely connects to my previous blog on understanding how much of a lasting impact we do have on our children, and subsequently our grandchildren whether you like it or not.
Please pray for peace, healing and rest for my niece. This is going to be long road to recovery, but I will not go down with out a fight. I will do all I can to protect her and the other kids, just as I would my own.

Hebrews 13:8 (New International Version)
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

Let my words be few...

Eccles. 5:2
Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.

I am so thrilled that the sun is shining today! The weather in the last week has been depressing. The kids have enjoyed the snow immensely, even though mom doesn’t because of all the wet clothes, boots and gloves! As I looked out at the yard and the new snow fall, it was a metaphor to me how God will wash us clean of our sin, and make us white as snow…

The weeks are becoming more routine. Crazy, but routine nonetheless. I still have my moments of wanting to curl up in a ball and hide b/c of the unknowns, but I also have those blessed moments that outweigh the bad.

The verse from Ecclesiastes seemed so appropriate for this day. This morning when I went to get my niece up for school, she got up, and looked so unbelievably sad. It broke my heart. I asked her what was wrong, and she said I miss my mom. Oh, there are no words to take that kind of pain away.

All I could say was I know, and hug her. Words escaped me, but honestly I don’t think there are any. I am not going to make her feel all warm and fuzzy about something I really don’t know how it is going to turn out.

We as parents have so much influence over how our kids feel emotionally. Even if parents don’t want that job, sorry that is life. The rejection and abandonment leaves an empty hole inside of you. You think there is something wrong with you b/c if there weren’t they would love me right? I know the truth now that I am older, but I am not sure someone could have convinced me when I was younger.

I just have to wrap her in love, and reassure her that it isn’t her. And keep on prayin! ;)

As I get ready to do my round trip of picking up kids, which takes me an hour, I will say my blessings for the wonderful family that I have!

Time

1 Thess. 2:4 For we speak as messengers approved by God to be entrusted with the Good News. Our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts.

Once again it has been a minute since I last blogged. Seems like the time is just flying by. The weeks have been jam packed with kid’s appts. I have either dental, ortho, or doctor appts everyday this week! Lots of driving.

Life has been eh okay. I have had the opportunity in the last two weeks to really delve into God’s word nightly, which has been good for me. Life gets away from us sometimes, we get bogged down with all the “stuff” especially with the holidays around the corner, that we lose sight of the really important things.

I love Christmas. I always have. Every time I think of Christmas though it takes me back to better days with my grandmother in the kitchen non-stop making something! I really don’t know how she did it. All four of us kids underfoot, worked full-time, home cooked meals almost daily, and still had the energy to make all kinds of goodies around the holidays! She has inspired me so much.

It has been awe inspiring to me to watch my niece grasping what the meaning of Christmas is. I was reminded in church service last Sunday that to be prayerful and thankful at ALL times. Not when things are going my way, or only when my life is in shambles, but all the time. It is difficult, I won’t lie. When you have 5 children needing you in 5 different directions, screaming, crying…must I go on?! I have found myself saying thank you God that I am blessed to be apart of this bigger picture I can’t yet see!

My purpose is to serve my Father, and glorify Him in all I do.

My husband has been my rock the last couple of weeks. What a great man to take on all he has with 2 extra children! I feel very blessed to call him my husband.

2 Thess. 3:5 May the Lord lead your hearts into a full understanding and expression of the love of God and the patient endurance that comes from Christ.