Patience is a virtue

How many times do I not react the way I should? How many times do I lose my temper, and say or do something that is so unbelievably unChristlike?

More times than I would like to admit. This last week has been one of the harder weeks in awhile. Trying to get back into a routine with the kids going back to school, finding out that I will have to go to school 3 nights a week this coming quarter(so I can graduate in the spring!!), and just the day to day that occurs in our family.

We are on our second kindergarten for Aneesa b/c of the behavioral issues that we continue to have with her due to the FAS, the post traumatic stress, and the anxiety disorders that she deals with day to day. The majority of the time I grab the bulls by the horn and don’t flinch, this week though I was ready to throw in the towel.

We got a call from the school almost every day, and by Friday by 9 in the morning, we had to pick her up. Just the basic skills that our children take for granted, she does not have. This is the first year of her life where structure, rules, and socialization have become her new way of life. At almost 6 years old, that is a reality that I know overwhelms her.

She became so out of control again, that my patience was gone. I couldn’t do it anymore. Once Andrew got home, I went upstairs to my room and just let the tears flow that had been in check for quite awhile. As a mother we just want to fix things for our kids, we want the best for them, and we want them to be happy and know they are loved. Well on all of those, I decided to give myself a beating on. I felt like I had failed everyone, and I was becoming wrapped in my negativity that I hadn’t seen in a longgg time.

Andrew came up, and said you know we have to take this one day at a time. No more, no less. I know this. I have lived by it for the last 2.5 years, but sometimes someone else has to point it out. I asked him how in the world God forgives us, has an abounding patience, and just doesn’t strangle us when we are clearly not doing His will? It is beyond my understanding. I just need to be faithful, trust Him, and pray.

So simple you say? Obviously not to the stubborn blonde typing on this computer. But by the grace of God I will have tomorrow to try and do it right again.

Psalm 19:14 (New International Version) 14 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.