Information Overload

Proverbs 22:6 - Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. By following God's word we can raise children who avoid evil and serve God faithfully.

I have recently been able to obtain all of the files, with countless information, on my parents from 25 years ago. I believed that in order for me to move on I had to fill in the missing pieces to the puzzle called my life.

Now that I know, I am just numb. I don’t know what to feel or think. I am disappointed, hurt, angry, and just numb. I have to disassociate myself from it or I will spiral into an abyss. Who were these people? Why did they not love me?

I must move on. I have to absorb this information little by little, and figure out how to forgive. If I don’t, it will poison me. I have been forgiven for so much, and out of all this I realize how unbelievable the hand of God truly is. He was there…I know He was. Watching over me, and knowing He was not through with me yet. I still struggle though…your parents are supposed to protect and love you, not try and destroy you.

I was at my in-laws this evening, and God love my father in law Jim. He said above all else love Jesus…anyone that knows what Jim has gone through in the last year and half can only appreciate that, and say halleluiah. Amazing…

Though this is hard, it makes me love my children all the more, and motivates me to get my story out there and educate people on the importance of doing your part to be a voice for an innocent child.

Decisions

I have said this before, “be careful what you wish for”. Right now I have in front of me what I thought, initially, was an awesome chance to share my life, my testimony, and my faith to those that need hope. Life isn’t always that cut and dry…I am trying to figure out what decision I should make without “selling” myself out.

My life and what has happened is an important part of who I am. While I am willing to share this, I am not sure I want to hand it over to someone to depict or spin the way they “see” it.

I just needed to spill that out…do I know how this is going to go? No, but I know that God willing I will make the decision that will glorify Him.

I know this blog is vague, but if you are reading say a quick prayer to the Lord to give me direction and guidance with the decisions that lie before me.

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin--real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.-- Alfred D. Souza

Rest in Him

Lyrics by Jaci Velasquez...powerful song for me at this season of my life.

Lord, I'm in the dark,
Seems to me the line is dead when I come calling.
No one there, the sky is falling;
Lord, I need to know.

My mind is playing games again,You're right where You have always been.
Take me back to You,The place that I once knew as a little child;
Constantly the eyes of God watched over me.

Oh, I want to beIn the place that I once knew as a little child,
Fall into the bed of faith prepared for me.I will rest in You,I will rest in You,
I will rest in You.Tell me I'm a fool,Tell me that You love me for the fool I am,

[And*] comfort me like only You can,And tell me there's a place
Where I can feel Your breath
Like sweet caresses on my face again.

Take me back to You,The place that I once knew as a little child;
Constantly the eyes of God watched over me.
Oh, I want to beIn the place that I once knew as a little child,

Fall into the bed of faith prepared for me.I will rest in You,
I will rest in You,I will rest in You.