Who are you?

As I was doing laundry, ironing, and just doing the daily grind...i stopped when the rest of the house finally became quiet and opened the book "The Selected Writings of Ralph Waldo Emerson" (i do believe I may be a little obsessed with this guy..!)

Anyway a paragraph that I happened to read jumped out at me..okay no not literally, but it stood out. I will share only a portion of it..he writes "I learn immediately from any speaker how much he has already lived, through the poverty or the splendor of his speech. Life lies behind us as the quarry from whence we get tiles and copestones for the masonry of today." What I think made this stand out was because I began to wonder how much of my daily life (work, kids, extended family, strangers etc) reflects me today or my past from whence I came? Or is it too much of one? Is it balanced?

I started really looking over how I have portrayed myself with my speech, body language etc, and thought if I asked those around me (and they were brutally honest!) what would they say about who I am? I know many say I am a survivor, strong-willed, very bull-headed...but is that it? Who am I to those that are closest to me, and those that stand from afar? I know those are big questions, but, well, that is who I am. I am an analyzer..to a fault. I think in some ways it is beneficial, b/c if we all took the time to reflect on how we affect others, wouldn't that make us strive to be more?

As I posted yesterday my son lost a grandfather Saturday night, and today I saw in him not consumed with sadness, (which at his age I would have been) but compassion and the realization that he wanted anyone he touched to know he loved them... Me and his father divorced when he was very young, but my son has always known that me and his father will do whatever it takes to be there for HIM. Our families have a bond that some see as unheard of, but I see it as a blessing in a hard situation. We genuinely care for each other, our spouses, and the other children involved. For that I am so very grateful.

If I left this world tomorrow what kind of mark or legacy would I leave behind? I struggle everyday to work past pride, anger, selfishness...the list goes on, and somedays I really just want to throw in the towel. Today was one of them. People drive you crazy, noone is doing what you want them to do, bills pile up, nerves are shot...shall I go on? But...at the end of tonight before I lay my head on that pillow I have to thank God for another breath...another 24 hrs to be there for my kids..another chance to do it different tomorrow.