journey

Life is a journey. Sometimes that journey is so difficult you are not quite sure you are going to make it through. Sometimes you slip off the road into a ditch, and just hope and pray someone comes by to help you out…occasionally they will, and occasionally they won’t. That is where faith comes in…trusting that the Lord will get you through no matter how impossible the road may seem.

Why am I contemplating this? I sometimes have to step back and look at where I am where I am going and determine if I am down in that ditch again. One would think you would just know, but sometimes being isolated and hopeless is easier than actually doing anything about it without someone holding your hand.

My little Chelsey got her permit to drive on Tuesday. I am going through the emotions that involves. Scared, anxious, sad, and excited for her. I feel like just yesterday we were in the hospital and she was so proud of her painted toenails! Now, my baby is going to be driving…Time just fly’s by, and I can’t help but think did I teach her enough, love her enough to set her free? All my screw ups, will that hinder her?

I don’t have answers to those questions except I have done the best I could with the tools I had, which were few! I am very grateful I get to share this with her, b/c I had no one to share it with or be excited with when I was her age.

This journey of my life has been a long one. Sometimes I get it, and other times I just can’t wrap my mind around all I have endured. As I slowly sift through the truths and ashes of my childhood it is very easy to sink into a pit of despair. Questions arise…how could they, why did they, why didn’t they? Overwhelming since of disgust and anger is what I am trying to work through right now. It is very difficult…

My niece, who is still living with us, just recently had an array of genetic testing done on her. When I went in to get the results I was relieved that she didn’t have anything life threatening, but devastated to find out she has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Now I must get my nephew tested as well. Those questions come back...how could she, why did she…

I have really been analyzing much of my life. It amazes me, scares me, confuses me…and so on. I am definitely at a place of riding the fence. Not sure why, but all I can think is that my walls are my defense mechanisms b/c of so much happening in a short amount of time. I am not relying on Him, but on me. That is a problem, and I am struggling with it.

“Do not dismiss your dreams.To be without dreams is to be without hope.To be without hope is to be without purpose.Do not run through life so fast that you forget not only where you have been, but also where you are going.
Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.”