I have said this before, “be careful what you wish for”. Right now I have in front of me what I thought, initially, was an awesome chance to share my life, my testimony, and my faith to those that need hope. Life isn’t always that cut and dry…I am trying to figure out what decision I should make without “selling” myself out.
My life and what has happened is an important part of who I am. While I am willing to share this, I am not sure I want to hand it over to someone to depict or spin the way they “see” it.
I just needed to spill that out…do I know how this is going to go? No, but I know that God willing I will make the decision that will glorify Him.
I know this blog is vague, but if you are reading say a quick prayer to the Lord to give me direction and guidance with the decisions that lie before me.
For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin--real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.-- Alfred D. Souza
Monday, May 19, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Rest in Him
Lyrics by Jaci Velasquez...powerful song for me at this season of my life.
Lord, I'm in the dark,
Seems to me the line is dead when I come calling.
No one there, the sky is falling;
Lord, I need to know.
My mind is playing games again,You're right where You have always been.
Take me back to You,The place that I once knew as a little child;
Constantly the eyes of God watched over me.
Oh, I want to beIn the place that I once knew as a little child,
Fall into the bed of faith prepared for me.I will rest in You,I will rest in You,
I will rest in You.Tell me I'm a fool,Tell me that You love me for the fool I am,
[And*] comfort me like only You can,And tell me there's a place
Where I can feel Your breath
Like sweet caresses on my face again.
Take me back to You,The place that I once knew as a little child;
Constantly the eyes of God watched over me.
Oh, I want to beIn the place that I once knew as a little child,
Fall into the bed of faith prepared for me.I will rest in You,
I will rest in You,I will rest in You.
Lord, I'm in the dark,
Seems to me the line is dead when I come calling.
No one there, the sky is falling;
Lord, I need to know.
My mind is playing games again,You're right where You have always been.
Take me back to You,The place that I once knew as a little child;
Constantly the eyes of God watched over me.
Oh, I want to beIn the place that I once knew as a little child,
Fall into the bed of faith prepared for me.I will rest in You,I will rest in You,
I will rest in You.Tell me I'm a fool,Tell me that You love me for the fool I am,
[And*] comfort me like only You can,And tell me there's a place
Where I can feel Your breath
Like sweet caresses on my face again.
Take me back to You,The place that I once knew as a little child;
Constantly the eyes of God watched over me.
Oh, I want to beIn the place that I once knew as a little child,
Fall into the bed of faith prepared for me.I will rest in You,
I will rest in You,I will rest in You.
Monday, April 28, 2008
life passing by
Deuteronomy 31:6 (New International Version)
6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
It has been a long time since I last posted, but life has not slowed down even a bit. We have more life changing issues going on in our lives right now, but what is ever new?
I again feel like I have lost my path with God. I have been so caught up in trying to fight the system, but the system keeps pushing me back and down, which is beginning to take its toll. I feel so defeated and want to give up, but I know that isn’t an option.
Every one in the family is struggling right now, and the strain of the last year has worn on all of us. Sometimes doing the right thing doesn’t always produce the fruit until much later.
Why is it so easy to fall off track? I feel so anxious and disengaged with life. I hate feeling this way, but I have been overwhelmed in so many areas and not talking with God. My journaling and reading have dwindled, and I can see the results.
He is there I just keeping ignoring Him. I am just very down on myself b/c it seems like everyone in my life is not happy for one reason or another.
Lord help me…
6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
It has been a long time since I last posted, but life has not slowed down even a bit. We have more life changing issues going on in our lives right now, but what is ever new?
I again feel like I have lost my path with God. I have been so caught up in trying to fight the system, but the system keeps pushing me back and down, which is beginning to take its toll. I feel so defeated and want to give up, but I know that isn’t an option.
Every one in the family is struggling right now, and the strain of the last year has worn on all of us. Sometimes doing the right thing doesn’t always produce the fruit until much later.
Why is it so easy to fall off track? I feel so anxious and disengaged with life. I hate feeling this way, but I have been overwhelmed in so many areas and not talking with God. My journaling and reading have dwindled, and I can see the results.
He is there I just keeping ignoring Him. I am just very down on myself b/c it seems like everyone in my life is not happy for one reason or another.
Lord help me…
Friday, March 7, 2008
The time is NOW
"Is child abuse a crime? This child's identity is protected because the courts may return the girl to her father, who beat her so severely she suffered brain damage"
This is so sickening, and soo unacceptable. My research paper for my COM class is, go figure, child abuse and neglect, and I cannot even express the disturbing numbers and cases I have come across. This is an epidemic, and WE all need to step up to the plate. NO child deserves this. NOT ONE!
I plead with each of you, these kids are innocent, and though it may make you sad, it should make you mad as hell! We need to come together to fight legislation, and make the parents be held accountable to the utmost extreme in these horrendous cases like the one above. How in the world could you contemplate giving this child back to its parents? It is like handing your child over to the devil...
God is my rock. He brought me through the abuse i endured. Now I am His warrior on a crusade...well it is just around my room right now, but it will become a movement. I know it...
I will not sit back and keep my mouth shut, and for those that know me, know that is the truth!
We are to help the children and widows...we are called to do it!
Thursday, March 6, 2008
It is March already?!!
We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us. - E. M. Forester
It has been quite awhile since I have posted last. Lots going on with all the kids, school and a new job.
The last two months have been some of the hardest times I have had to deal with in awhile. My niece is really struggling right now. We had to hospitalize her, and I spend much of my week’s b/t therapists and psychiatrists for her. My nephew has been non-stop sick, and I think I have had him at the doctor almost every week! It has taken a toll on all of us.
I really thought my life was going one direction, and I am trying to patiently understand what the Lord is trying to direct me to do now. I do know that one fire that has been ignited is the attitude I have towards our current child welfare system. Not enough is being done. Kids are dying everyday. That is unacceptable. Once we get through this season I am bound and determined to push for legislation changes.
I totaled my van almost a month ago. I have never been so scared in my life. I literally saw my life flash before my eyes. I had the younger two with me, and all I could think of when I saw that we were going to hit the telephone pole, was dear God please let me take all the impact, and not the kids. And sure enough, I did! I was pinned in my van for what seems like forever. The kids didn’t have one scratch! Thank the Lord up above.
That night I thought to myself how quickly your life can change in an instant again. I asked myself, if I hadn’t made it, have I said and done all the things I should have or could have before I leave this earth? Does all this small stuff really matter in the grander scheme of things?
I am trying to focus on the road ahead, and His way for my life. I have been sidetracked with so much going on in the last few months that I feel detached b/c I stopped cultivating my relationship with Him daily. Time to reassess and get back on track!
It has been quite awhile since I have posted last. Lots going on with all the kids, school and a new job.
The last two months have been some of the hardest times I have had to deal with in awhile. My niece is really struggling right now. We had to hospitalize her, and I spend much of my week’s b/t therapists and psychiatrists for her. My nephew has been non-stop sick, and I think I have had him at the doctor almost every week! It has taken a toll on all of us.
I really thought my life was going one direction, and I am trying to patiently understand what the Lord is trying to direct me to do now. I do know that one fire that has been ignited is the attitude I have towards our current child welfare system. Not enough is being done. Kids are dying everyday. That is unacceptable. Once we get through this season I am bound and determined to push for legislation changes.
I totaled my van almost a month ago. I have never been so scared in my life. I literally saw my life flash before my eyes. I had the younger two with me, and all I could think of when I saw that we were going to hit the telephone pole, was dear God please let me take all the impact, and not the kids. And sure enough, I did! I was pinned in my van for what seems like forever. The kids didn’t have one scratch! Thank the Lord up above.
That night I thought to myself how quickly your life can change in an instant again. I asked myself, if I hadn’t made it, have I said and done all the things I should have or could have before I leave this earth? Does all this small stuff really matter in the grander scheme of things?
I am trying to focus on the road ahead, and His way for my life. I have been sidetracked with so much going on in the last few months that I feel detached b/c I stopped cultivating my relationship with Him daily. Time to reassess and get back on track!
Friday, February 8, 2008
Redemption
Every breath we take, every time our heart beats, everyday that the sun rises, every moment we see with our eyes or hear with our ears or speak with our mouths or walk with our legs is, for now, a free undeserved gift to sinners who deserve judgment. (Don’t Waste Your Life-John Piper)
The grander scheme of things…how many times have I heard that? None of us know what the grander scheme of things is, but we try very hard to wrap our minds around, analyze it, and however else we can make sense of what happens day to day.
I have realized that in the last two days I have seen more senseless deaths in the news than I can count. It is depressing. There are these moments, I as a Christian, get the questions “why is God allowing this to happen?” I wish I knew. I do know that we all fall short, and the price we pay is living in this sin filled world, but what I do know is that He is still in control no matter what occurs. Is it sometimes hard to feel that? Yes, I say that emphatically. Of all people who understand it the most, I believe I do.
We all have gifts to share with one another, and no it may not make the news, but it is there. Sometimes I feel like God isn’t hearing me, but I know it is me who isn’t listening. And I also know that sometimes I just don’t want to hear what He has to say b/c I want it to work out the way I believe it should.
I recently revisited the book of Job. By no stretch of the imagination have I been through what he had, but I understand his inner battle. That book helps me to know it is okay not to understand, not to always agree, but in the end do not sin against the Lord. We are all redeemed through His grace.
That is something that has been coming to my mind more so lately. Redemption. We all have the ability to be redeemed, but it is still our will and pride that can prevent us from that happening. I have been redeemed over and over again. For that I am so grateful, and I will do my best to try and rear all these children that have been given to me, in this very ugly world we live in right now. My prayer for them is not to get entangled in satan’s snare, b/c again out of anyone I definitely have been caught in that snare more than I would like to admit. But thank God for….Redemption!
Psalm 130:7
7 O Israel, put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full redemption.
The grander scheme of things…how many times have I heard that? None of us know what the grander scheme of things is, but we try very hard to wrap our minds around, analyze it, and however else we can make sense of what happens day to day.
I have realized that in the last two days I have seen more senseless deaths in the news than I can count. It is depressing. There are these moments, I as a Christian, get the questions “why is God allowing this to happen?” I wish I knew. I do know that we all fall short, and the price we pay is living in this sin filled world, but what I do know is that He is still in control no matter what occurs. Is it sometimes hard to feel that? Yes, I say that emphatically. Of all people who understand it the most, I believe I do.
We all have gifts to share with one another, and no it may not make the news, but it is there. Sometimes I feel like God isn’t hearing me, but I know it is me who isn’t listening. And I also know that sometimes I just don’t want to hear what He has to say b/c I want it to work out the way I believe it should.
I recently revisited the book of Job. By no stretch of the imagination have I been through what he had, but I understand his inner battle. That book helps me to know it is okay not to understand, not to always agree, but in the end do not sin against the Lord. We are all redeemed through His grace.
That is something that has been coming to my mind more so lately. Redemption. We all have the ability to be redeemed, but it is still our will and pride that can prevent us from that happening. I have been redeemed over and over again. For that I am so grateful, and I will do my best to try and rear all these children that have been given to me, in this very ugly world we live in right now. My prayer for them is not to get entangled in satan’s snare, b/c again out of anyone I definitely have been caught in that snare more than I would like to admit. But thank God for….Redemption!
Psalm 130:7
7 O Israel, put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full redemption.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Purpose
Lamentations 3:24-29
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.
27 It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young.
28 Let him sit alone in silence, for the LORD has laid it on him.
29 Let him bury his face in the dust— there may yet be hope.
There are few things that tend to surprise me, but when I get to that point God puts something in my life that says do not question His ways. Again I have to repeat to myself, thy will be done, not my own.
The last month and half has been insane, which is nothing new, but with it has come some trials that I would have never imagined.
I have been wrestling with a question that I just didn’t really know where it was taking me. I kept asking myself “why am I here?” To think about all the things we wrap ourselves in, jobs, kids, family, money etc, while some of those things can be fulfilling, where does God come in at?
I got a book that I heard about during a church sermon a few weeks ago. The book was by John Piper, titled “Don’t waste your life”. It was that light bulb moment when the Holy Spirit moves you. I am only at the beginning, but he reinterates over and over that we are here to glorify God in ALL we do. Eating, sleeping, working, you know where I am going with that. I began to look at my days like that, and let me tell you it was hard!
Not hard to glorify Him, but hard to glorify Him in the eye of the storms, the screaming kids, bill collectors, etc… But it did help me to redirect, and reassess what I might say and do given those situations.
Can I say I am cured, and I am so full of purpose that I can’t stand it? No, I have to work on it daily. If I just got it, then why would I even need God? I am okay with being a work in progress. I know the Lord has “got my back!”
I try to think of all the things that God has given me…some days are harder than others, but you know what if I can only be thankful for the air I breathe, I will thank him for that and move on.
God is good all the time, but we are not!
"We love Him because He first loved us."1 John 4:9-10
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.
27 It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young.
28 Let him sit alone in silence, for the LORD has laid it on him.
29 Let him bury his face in the dust— there may yet be hope.
There are few things that tend to surprise me, but when I get to that point God puts something in my life that says do not question His ways. Again I have to repeat to myself, thy will be done, not my own.
The last month and half has been insane, which is nothing new, but with it has come some trials that I would have never imagined.
I have been wrestling with a question that I just didn’t really know where it was taking me. I kept asking myself “why am I here?” To think about all the things we wrap ourselves in, jobs, kids, family, money etc, while some of those things can be fulfilling, where does God come in at?
I got a book that I heard about during a church sermon a few weeks ago. The book was by John Piper, titled “Don’t waste your life”. It was that light bulb moment when the Holy Spirit moves you. I am only at the beginning, but he reinterates over and over that we are here to glorify God in ALL we do. Eating, sleeping, working, you know where I am going with that. I began to look at my days like that, and let me tell you it was hard!
Not hard to glorify Him, but hard to glorify Him in the eye of the storms, the screaming kids, bill collectors, etc… But it did help me to redirect, and reassess what I might say and do given those situations.
Can I say I am cured, and I am so full of purpose that I can’t stand it? No, I have to work on it daily. If I just got it, then why would I even need God? I am okay with being a work in progress. I know the Lord has “got my back!”
I try to think of all the things that God has given me…some days are harder than others, but you know what if I can only be thankful for the air I breathe, I will thank him for that and move on.
God is good all the time, but we are not!
"We love Him because He first loved us."1 John 4:9-10
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