Every breath we take, every time our heart beats, everyday that the sun rises, every moment we see with our eyes or hear with our ears or speak with our mouths or walk with our legs is, for now, a free undeserved gift to sinners who deserve judgment. (Don’t Waste Your Life-John Piper)
The grander scheme of things…how many times have I heard that? None of us know what the grander scheme of things is, but we try very hard to wrap our minds around, analyze it, and however else we can make sense of what happens day to day.
I have realized that in the last two days I have seen more senseless deaths in the news than I can count. It is depressing. There are these moments, I as a Christian, get the questions “why is God allowing this to happen?” I wish I knew. I do know that we all fall short, and the price we pay is living in this sin filled world, but what I do know is that He is still in control no matter what occurs. Is it sometimes hard to feel that? Yes, I say that emphatically. Of all people who understand it the most, I believe I do.
We all have gifts to share with one another, and no it may not make the news, but it is there. Sometimes I feel like God isn’t hearing me, but I know it is me who isn’t listening. And I also know that sometimes I just don’t want to hear what He has to say b/c I want it to work out the way I believe it should.
I recently revisited the book of Job. By no stretch of the imagination have I been through what he had, but I understand his inner battle. That book helps me to know it is okay not to understand, not to always agree, but in the end do not sin against the Lord. We are all redeemed through His grace.
That is something that has been coming to my mind more so lately. Redemption. We all have the ability to be redeemed, but it is still our will and pride that can prevent us from that happening. I have been redeemed over and over again. For that I am so grateful, and I will do my best to try and rear all these children that have been given to me, in this very ugly world we live in right now. My prayer for them is not to get entangled in satan’s snare, b/c again out of anyone I definitely have been caught in that snare more than I would like to admit. But thank God for….Redemption!
Psalm 130:7
7 O Israel, put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full redemption.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
Purpose
Lamentations 3:24-29
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.
27 It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young.
28 Let him sit alone in silence, for the LORD has laid it on him.
29 Let him bury his face in the dust— there may yet be hope.
There are few things that tend to surprise me, but when I get to that point God puts something in my life that says do not question His ways. Again I have to repeat to myself, thy will be done, not my own.
The last month and half has been insane, which is nothing new, but with it has come some trials that I would have never imagined.
I have been wrestling with a question that I just didn’t really know where it was taking me. I kept asking myself “why am I here?” To think about all the things we wrap ourselves in, jobs, kids, family, money etc, while some of those things can be fulfilling, where does God come in at?
I got a book that I heard about during a church sermon a few weeks ago. The book was by John Piper, titled “Don’t waste your life”. It was that light bulb moment when the Holy Spirit moves you. I am only at the beginning, but he reinterates over and over that we are here to glorify God in ALL we do. Eating, sleeping, working, you know where I am going with that. I began to look at my days like that, and let me tell you it was hard!
Not hard to glorify Him, but hard to glorify Him in the eye of the storms, the screaming kids, bill collectors, etc… But it did help me to redirect, and reassess what I might say and do given those situations.
Can I say I am cured, and I am so full of purpose that I can’t stand it? No, I have to work on it daily. If I just got it, then why would I even need God? I am okay with being a work in progress. I know the Lord has “got my back!”
I try to think of all the things that God has given me…some days are harder than others, but you know what if I can only be thankful for the air I breathe, I will thank him for that and move on.
God is good all the time, but we are not!
"We love Him because He first loved us."1 John 4:9-10
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.
27 It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young.
28 Let him sit alone in silence, for the LORD has laid it on him.
29 Let him bury his face in the dust— there may yet be hope.
There are few things that tend to surprise me, but when I get to that point God puts something in my life that says do not question His ways. Again I have to repeat to myself, thy will be done, not my own.
The last month and half has been insane, which is nothing new, but with it has come some trials that I would have never imagined.
I have been wrestling with a question that I just didn’t really know where it was taking me. I kept asking myself “why am I here?” To think about all the things we wrap ourselves in, jobs, kids, family, money etc, while some of those things can be fulfilling, where does God come in at?
I got a book that I heard about during a church sermon a few weeks ago. The book was by John Piper, titled “Don’t waste your life”. It was that light bulb moment when the Holy Spirit moves you. I am only at the beginning, but he reinterates over and over that we are here to glorify God in ALL we do. Eating, sleeping, working, you know where I am going with that. I began to look at my days like that, and let me tell you it was hard!
Not hard to glorify Him, but hard to glorify Him in the eye of the storms, the screaming kids, bill collectors, etc… But it did help me to redirect, and reassess what I might say and do given those situations.
Can I say I am cured, and I am so full of purpose that I can’t stand it? No, I have to work on it daily. If I just got it, then why would I even need God? I am okay with being a work in progress. I know the Lord has “got my back!”
I try to think of all the things that God has given me…some days are harder than others, but you know what if I can only be thankful for the air I breathe, I will thank him for that and move on.
God is good all the time, but we are not!
"We love Him because He first loved us."1 John 4:9-10
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Which part is me?
Exodus 34:7 (New International Version)
Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation."
Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation."
I am struggling this evening with memories that have surfaced with my niece over the weekend. I feel physically ill and helpless b/c I really wish I could erase what has been done to her.
As I read in my bible tonight I came across this verse, and I remembered it from reading it before, but it really grabbed me tonight.
I remember the first time I read it I was frustrated. I thought why in the world do I have to pay for what my parents and grandparents did? Where is the fairness in that!? But that is when I was looking at it from a defensive and clouded mind with “it is all about me” right?
Hard to be totally honest, but hey that is why I blog. I know my children have paid for my sins and than some. Between my divorce, addiction, my past etc. I really don’t want to further dig into it, but I see how our future generations are affected by those who came before us.
It isn’t a death sentence. It is a guideline to life. Walking hand and hand with Jesus daily, and striving to live the best I can to show my children that even though they may screw up (and they will) ask for forgiveness, make amends and try to make it right.
This definitely connects to my previous blog on understanding how much of a lasting impact we do have on our children, and subsequently our grandchildren whether you like it or not.
Please pray for peace, healing and rest for my niece. This is going to be long road to recovery, but I will not go down with out a fight. I will do all I can to protect her and the other kids, just as I would my own.
Hebrews 13:8 (New International Version)
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Let my words be few...
Eccles. 5:2
Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.
I am so thrilled that the sun is shining today! The weather in the last week has been depressing. The kids have enjoyed the snow immensely, even though mom doesn’t because of all the wet clothes, boots and gloves! As I looked out at the yard and the new snow fall, it was a metaphor to me how God will wash us clean of our sin, and make us white as snow…
The weeks are becoming more routine. Crazy, but routine nonetheless. I still have my moments of wanting to curl up in a ball and hide b/c of the unknowns, but I also have those blessed moments that outweigh the bad.
The verse from Ecclesiastes seemed so appropriate for this day. This morning when I went to get my niece up for school, she got up, and looked so unbelievably sad. It broke my heart. I asked her what was wrong, and she said I miss my mom. Oh, there are no words to take that kind of pain away.
All I could say was I know, and hug her. Words escaped me, but honestly I don’t think there are any. I am not going to make her feel all warm and fuzzy about something I really don’t know how it is going to turn out.
We as parents have so much influence over how our kids feel emotionally. Even if parents don’t want that job, sorry that is life. The rejection and abandonment leaves an empty hole inside of you. You think there is something wrong with you b/c if there weren’t they would love me right? I know the truth now that I am older, but I am not sure someone could have convinced me when I was younger.
I just have to wrap her in love, and reassure her that it isn’t her. And keep on prayin! ;)
As I get ready to do my round trip of picking up kids, which takes me an hour, I will say my blessings for the wonderful family that I have!
Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.
I am so thrilled that the sun is shining today! The weather in the last week has been depressing. The kids have enjoyed the snow immensely, even though mom doesn’t because of all the wet clothes, boots and gloves! As I looked out at the yard and the new snow fall, it was a metaphor to me how God will wash us clean of our sin, and make us white as snow…
The weeks are becoming more routine. Crazy, but routine nonetheless. I still have my moments of wanting to curl up in a ball and hide b/c of the unknowns, but I also have those blessed moments that outweigh the bad.
The verse from Ecclesiastes seemed so appropriate for this day. This morning when I went to get my niece up for school, she got up, and looked so unbelievably sad. It broke my heart. I asked her what was wrong, and she said I miss my mom. Oh, there are no words to take that kind of pain away.
All I could say was I know, and hug her. Words escaped me, but honestly I don’t think there are any. I am not going to make her feel all warm and fuzzy about something I really don’t know how it is going to turn out.
We as parents have so much influence over how our kids feel emotionally. Even if parents don’t want that job, sorry that is life. The rejection and abandonment leaves an empty hole inside of you. You think there is something wrong with you b/c if there weren’t they would love me right? I know the truth now that I am older, but I am not sure someone could have convinced me when I was younger.
I just have to wrap her in love, and reassure her that it isn’t her. And keep on prayin! ;)
As I get ready to do my round trip of picking up kids, which takes me an hour, I will say my blessings for the wonderful family that I have!
Monday, December 3, 2007
Time
1 Thess. 2:4 For we speak as messengers approved by God to be entrusted with the Good News. Our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts.
Once again it has been a minute since I last blogged. Seems like the time is just flying by. The weeks have been jam packed with kid’s appts. I have either dental, ortho, or doctor appts everyday this week! Lots of driving.
Life has been eh okay. I have had the opportunity in the last two weeks to really delve into God’s word nightly, which has been good for me. Life gets away from us sometimes, we get bogged down with all the “stuff” especially with the holidays around the corner, that we lose sight of the really important things.
I love Christmas. I always have. Every time I think of Christmas though it takes me back to better days with my grandmother in the kitchen non-stop making something! I really don’t know how she did it. All four of us kids underfoot, worked full-time, home cooked meals almost daily, and still had the energy to make all kinds of goodies around the holidays! She has inspired me so much.
It has been awe inspiring to me to watch my niece grasping what the meaning of Christmas is. I was reminded in church service last Sunday that to be prayerful and thankful at ALL times. Not when things are going my way, or only when my life is in shambles, but all the time. It is difficult, I won’t lie. When you have 5 children needing you in 5 different directions, screaming, crying…must I go on?! I have found myself saying thank you God that I am blessed to be apart of this bigger picture I can’t yet see!
My purpose is to serve my Father, and glorify Him in all I do.
My husband has been my rock the last couple of weeks. What a great man to take on all he has with 2 extra children! I feel very blessed to call him my husband.
2 Thess. 3:5 May the Lord lead your hearts into a full understanding and expression of the love of God and the patient endurance that comes from Christ.
Once again it has been a minute since I last blogged. Seems like the time is just flying by. The weeks have been jam packed with kid’s appts. I have either dental, ortho, or doctor appts everyday this week! Lots of driving.
Life has been eh okay. I have had the opportunity in the last two weeks to really delve into God’s word nightly, which has been good for me. Life gets away from us sometimes, we get bogged down with all the “stuff” especially with the holidays around the corner, that we lose sight of the really important things.
I love Christmas. I always have. Every time I think of Christmas though it takes me back to better days with my grandmother in the kitchen non-stop making something! I really don’t know how she did it. All four of us kids underfoot, worked full-time, home cooked meals almost daily, and still had the energy to make all kinds of goodies around the holidays! She has inspired me so much.
It has been awe inspiring to me to watch my niece grasping what the meaning of Christmas is. I was reminded in church service last Sunday that to be prayerful and thankful at ALL times. Not when things are going my way, or only when my life is in shambles, but all the time. It is difficult, I won’t lie. When you have 5 children needing you in 5 different directions, screaming, crying…must I go on?! I have found myself saying thank you God that I am blessed to be apart of this bigger picture I can’t yet see!
My purpose is to serve my Father, and glorify Him in all I do.
My husband has been my rock the last couple of weeks. What a great man to take on all he has with 2 extra children! I feel very blessed to call him my husband.
2 Thess. 3:5 May the Lord lead your hearts into a full understanding and expression of the love of God and the patient endurance that comes from Christ.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Thank you!
Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity.... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow. Melodie Beattie
As I think about tomorrow and what it means to each of us; it gives me a moment to reflect.
I have been very blessed in my life to have people put in my life over the course of my 33 years. God strategically placed those (even if for a season) there for a reason. Family is so important, but I have learned it does not have to be by blood that you call someone your family. It was a tough lesson to learn, but I get some of the reasons why it is so.
We take for granted the love, security that some of us get with those people we call family. As I prayed with my niece tonight I recited the prayer I used to always say when I was a child. As I went through the list that I use to pray for (mom, dad, g-parents etc) I realized, sadly, that she really doesn’t have any of those things. She has never had grandparents, ever…that is so unbelievably sad when I know how important my grandmother was to me. She really doesn’t have any aunts, uncles, or cousins that she knows and or sees at any point and time.
I have to say that broke my heart. All a child ever wants is to be loved. I am determined for my kids, and my niece and nephew to know that they are loved and safe as long as I breathe.
Love those around you, reach out to someone who doesn’t have the great fortune that you do, and don’t take for granted that there will always be a tomorrow to tell them you love them.
Psalm 116:6-7The Lord protects those of childlike faith; I was facing death, and he saved me. Let my soul be at rest again, for the Lord has been good to me
As I think about tomorrow and what it means to each of us; it gives me a moment to reflect.
I have been very blessed in my life to have people put in my life over the course of my 33 years. God strategically placed those (even if for a season) there for a reason. Family is so important, but I have learned it does not have to be by blood that you call someone your family. It was a tough lesson to learn, but I get some of the reasons why it is so.
We take for granted the love, security that some of us get with those people we call family. As I prayed with my niece tonight I recited the prayer I used to always say when I was a child. As I went through the list that I use to pray for (mom, dad, g-parents etc) I realized, sadly, that she really doesn’t have any of those things. She has never had grandparents, ever…that is so unbelievably sad when I know how important my grandmother was to me. She really doesn’t have any aunts, uncles, or cousins that she knows and or sees at any point and time.
I have to say that broke my heart. All a child ever wants is to be loved. I am determined for my kids, and my niece and nephew to know that they are loved and safe as long as I breathe.
Love those around you, reach out to someone who doesn’t have the great fortune that you do, and don’t take for granted that there will always be a tomorrow to tell them you love them.
Psalm 116:6-7The Lord protects those of childlike faith; I was facing death, and he saved me. Let my soul be at rest again, for the Lord has been good to me
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Peace..
…So if you would know His voice, never consider results or possible effects. Obey even when He asks you to move in the dark.
…And there will spring up rapidly in your heart an acquaintanceship and a fellowship with God which will hold you and Him together, even in severest testing’s. (Way of Faith book)
Well it has been a minute since I last posted. Life is still as chaotic as ever, and has gotten more intense with my niece. I just try to make it through each day, and face the battle laid before me.
I am trying very hard to just be patient, listen to God’s small voice, and do whatever I can to love all these children. They are a blessing even in the trials, and if I can focus on that than hopefully I can make it through the most trying times!
I have had a peace in the last two weeks, and the obsessing over this whole situation has lightened. I feel very blessed to know my father knows what I can handle and what I can’t. I don’t know what is going to happen in the coming months, but I do know He is in control and loves these children as much as I do.
I read through Ephesians last night, and the apostle Paul wrote something that reached out to me…May your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love...Eph. 3:17 What a great way to think of my relationship as it continues to grow with Him daily. That He is never changing, it is me who chooses to turn away and not follow the path He has laid before me. He will always open His arms to me, and provide that safety and love. What a great feeling!
My focus right now is trying to keep gratitude at the front. I have to focus on the all that has been given to us, and all that can be given if we obey His commandments. The quote from the movie Forrest Gump comes to mind…Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your gonna get! Isn’t that the truth!?
Ephesians 5:17
Don’t act thoughtlessly, but try to understand what the Lord wants you to do.
…And there will spring up rapidly in your heart an acquaintanceship and a fellowship with God which will hold you and Him together, even in severest testing’s. (Way of Faith book)
Well it has been a minute since I last posted. Life is still as chaotic as ever, and has gotten more intense with my niece. I just try to make it through each day, and face the battle laid before me.
I am trying very hard to just be patient, listen to God’s small voice, and do whatever I can to love all these children. They are a blessing even in the trials, and if I can focus on that than hopefully I can make it through the most trying times!
I have had a peace in the last two weeks, and the obsessing over this whole situation has lightened. I feel very blessed to know my father knows what I can handle and what I can’t. I don’t know what is going to happen in the coming months, but I do know He is in control and loves these children as much as I do.
I read through Ephesians last night, and the apostle Paul wrote something that reached out to me…May your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love...Eph. 3:17 What a great way to think of my relationship as it continues to grow with Him daily. That He is never changing, it is me who chooses to turn away and not follow the path He has laid before me. He will always open His arms to me, and provide that safety and love. What a great feeling!
My focus right now is trying to keep gratitude at the front. I have to focus on the all that has been given to us, and all that can be given if we obey His commandments. The quote from the movie Forrest Gump comes to mind…Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your gonna get! Isn’t that the truth!?
Ephesians 5:17
Don’t act thoughtlessly, but try to understand what the Lord wants you to do.
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