Philippians 4:4-7 4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Rejoice in the Lord always…do I? No, and why is that b/c I am a selfish sinner who needs to constantly be redeemed by my Lord and Savior. I too often get so caught up in worldly things that I truly have no control over.
Let you gentleness be evident to all…gee big NO on that one too. I have been far from gentle lately. I am so frustrated; angry with the system that I have let it overrule any goodness and prayer I should be focusing on. I pray for a gentle heart.
Do not be anxious about anything…wow am I failing or what?! I am one big ball of anxious. Our lives are in limbo on many levels, and it is hard not to let the anxiety rule me and my actions. Is that a good excuse? Absolutely not. But in everything by prayer and petition. It sounds so simple, but my pride and own emotions sometimes become my road block to conversation with my Father.
Present your requests…all I want right now is to know that what I am doing is the right thing. I feel so stretched, but I should be focusing on what God has given me. As I read last night we are to live as a family of God. Being there for each other including the orphans and widows, and I just don’t see that happening. Our lives are going 20 different directions, and we collapse at night. I have nothing left to give at the end of the day. Are all these things that we have going on in our lives going to matter when it comes to the end? No.
Most do not think about their mortality often, except for maybe the older we get. I have really begun to think of my mortality. My husband’s friend just lost his mother to cancer. She was only in her 50’s, and was a God serving, non-smoking, no drugs woman, but our Father took her home. When I think of my life ending before my children are married, and have kids it almost makes me crazy. Is my heart right? Have I lived for the Lord? Will Jesus be there ready to greet me?
One thing that I did realize while reading was the phrase “saturate yourself in God’s word”. I need saturated in His word, b/c that is the only way I will know what He wants me to do. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Thursday, July 3, 2008
journey
Life is a journey. Sometimes that journey is so difficult you are not quite sure you are going to make it through. Sometimes you slip off the road into a ditch, and just hope and pray someone comes by to help you out…occasionally they will, and occasionally they won’t. That is where faith comes in…trusting that the Lord will get you through no matter how impossible the road may seem.
Why am I contemplating this? I sometimes have to step back and look at where I am where I am going and determine if I am down in that ditch again. One would think you would just know, but sometimes being isolated and hopeless is easier than actually doing anything about it without someone holding your hand.
My little Chelsey got her permit to drive on Tuesday. I am going through the emotions that involves. Scared, anxious, sad, and excited for her. I feel like just yesterday we were in the hospital and she was so proud of her painted toenails! Now, my baby is going to be driving…Time just fly’s by, and I can’t help but think did I teach her enough, love her enough to set her free? All my screw ups, will that hinder her?
I don’t have answers to those questions except I have done the best I could with the tools I had, which were few! I am very grateful I get to share this with her, b/c I had no one to share it with or be excited with when I was her age.
This journey of my life has been a long one. Sometimes I get it, and other times I just can’t wrap my mind around all I have endured. As I slowly sift through the truths and ashes of my childhood it is very easy to sink into a pit of despair. Questions arise…how could they, why did they, why didn’t they? Overwhelming since of disgust and anger is what I am trying to work through right now. It is very difficult…
My niece, who is still living with us, just recently had an array of genetic testing done on her. When I went in to get the results I was relieved that she didn’t have anything life threatening, but devastated to find out she has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Now I must get my nephew tested as well. Those questions come back...how could she, why did she…
I have really been analyzing much of my life. It amazes me, scares me, confuses me…and so on. I am definitely at a place of riding the fence. Not sure why, but all I can think is that my walls are my defense mechanisms b/c of so much happening in a short amount of time. I am not relying on Him, but on me. That is a problem, and I am struggling with it.
“Do not dismiss your dreams.To be without dreams is to be without hope.To be without hope is to be without purpose.Do not run through life so fast that you forget not only where you have been, but also where you are going.
Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.”
Why am I contemplating this? I sometimes have to step back and look at where I am where I am going and determine if I am down in that ditch again. One would think you would just know, but sometimes being isolated and hopeless is easier than actually doing anything about it without someone holding your hand.
My little Chelsey got her permit to drive on Tuesday. I am going through the emotions that involves. Scared, anxious, sad, and excited for her. I feel like just yesterday we were in the hospital and she was so proud of her painted toenails! Now, my baby is going to be driving…Time just fly’s by, and I can’t help but think did I teach her enough, love her enough to set her free? All my screw ups, will that hinder her?
I don’t have answers to those questions except I have done the best I could with the tools I had, which were few! I am very grateful I get to share this with her, b/c I had no one to share it with or be excited with when I was her age.
This journey of my life has been a long one. Sometimes I get it, and other times I just can’t wrap my mind around all I have endured. As I slowly sift through the truths and ashes of my childhood it is very easy to sink into a pit of despair. Questions arise…how could they, why did they, why didn’t they? Overwhelming since of disgust and anger is what I am trying to work through right now. It is very difficult…
My niece, who is still living with us, just recently had an array of genetic testing done on her. When I went in to get the results I was relieved that she didn’t have anything life threatening, but devastated to find out she has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Now I must get my nephew tested as well. Those questions come back...how could she, why did she…
I have really been analyzing much of my life. It amazes me, scares me, confuses me…and so on. I am definitely at a place of riding the fence. Not sure why, but all I can think is that my walls are my defense mechanisms b/c of so much happening in a short amount of time. I am not relying on Him, but on me. That is a problem, and I am struggling with it.
“Do not dismiss your dreams.To be without dreams is to be without hope.To be without hope is to be without purpose.Do not run through life so fast that you forget not only where you have been, but also where you are going.
Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.”
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