Endurance

Hebrews 13:2-3
So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! 36 Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.

Patient endurance. These last couple of months have been some of the most trying I think that I have had to endure in awhile, but somehow I have endured. Only by His grace…

Our lives right now are in complete limbo. We have no idea what is going to happen with many areas of our life. There were moments this weekend when I felt my resolve completely diminish. I couldn’t do it for one more second. I was ready to throw in the towel…literally.

That scared me. It has just been an overwhelming increase b/c of people, things etc coming at me from all sides, and what do I tackle first?! It is too much, but as I read through Hebrews last night I realized much of this is b/c my outlook has been so consumed with things out of my control…geesh I had to visit that again…isn’t that like the 100th time since I have begun blogging?!! I guess that is why this is therapeutic to me. Who knows if any one is listening…actually I know one who is, and He is all that truly matters.

I had to again ask for forgiveness b/c my fuse is beyond short right now. I am disappointed in people that I should have never expected anything from. I am sick that there are so many cowards that run in my blood line. Is that disappointment and resentment going to do me any good? No, it has been slowing poisoning me the last 2 weeks, and the effects have shown through…

There are moments I want to step outside and just scream until I can’t anymore. I don’t understand some of the things happening right now….argh. But it isn’t my job to understand. It is my job to be a servant joyfully. Easily, um no. I have to do His will even though satan is doing his darndest to take me down right now.

I have to keep moving b/c slowing down is not an option at this point. I pray that His strength will sustain me…

Hebrews 4:7
“Today when you hear his voice, don’t harden your hearts.”