Yes, I am still alive! I survived the move…barely. :) I have bruises from unknown culprits, muscles aches from muscles I believe I was unaware still functioned and still so much to do! But I am grateful. I am grateful for my family and the home that we are creating. I am thankful to my loving, talented husband…he exhausted himself to the bone in a weeks time for our family. I am very proud to show anyone the tremendous job he did.
I know that over the weeks I have expressed how much of the time I struggle with understanding God’s will for my life. What is my purpose? Why did I go through what I did? And obviously the list goes on. I have accepted that I may never know the “exact” answer to that question, but I do know that God reveals to us tiny facets of answers only when we trust and have faith and when we don’t expect rewards or perfect answers.
I see His loving hand working in and through me in many situations now. I don’t look at what I don’t have, but what I do. When I am able to flip it around in that aspect, boy does that change my perspective.
I can’t go into too many details, but those close to us know what I am speaking of, within the last 24 hours our lives have changed again…I haven’t even unpacked the last box and a new set of challenges presents itself. But…it is okay. He has always provided for us even when we didn’t even have a clue as to how. He knows my everything. He will give us what we need, not what we “think” we want.
The peace that I am able to have now giving it to Him is a huge relief.
Psalm 139
1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
Love Never Fails
Love is patient, love is kind, Love does not insist on its own way. Love bears all things, believes all things, Hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. - I Corinthians 13:4-8
This will probably be the only post I post this week due to our “moving” week. Life is so very crazy, and it is so easy to lose sight. I know I talk about this a lot, but I guess we have seasons where certain issues are more prevalent. I think mine maybe an “extended” season if you will. :-)
I started reading the bible from the beginning about the middle of last year. I am currently in Corinthians. I have re-read 1 Corinthians 13 so very many times, but for some reason when I read it this time it just meant so much more. I took the time to really read it, and let it sink in.
As we entered our “new” home this weekend, I wanted to turn around and just say forget it. This is too hard. This sucks. Love is patient, love is kind. It is so much simpler to take the easy way out…or is it? As I laid my head down that night I thought through the evenings events, and realized how ungrateful I may seem to my God. It is a house…our family is what will make it a home. All of us together, working together, getting on each others nerves etc. Though certain things may seem “simpler” they are not always what is right. They may seem easier now, but the consequences of trying to take the easy way out will always come back or follow us. Love does not insist on its own way.
It is so difficult not to want to take control, b/c right now I really don’t know where God is leading each of us. It comes down to trust. Love bears all things, believes all things.
I need to remember that Chelsey’s blood work came back better…my kids are healthy, we have options, my husband still loves me. (today anyway!) Some things that are going on in our (extended family still) life that I cannot go into detail about, but just knowing this system sometimes just doesn’t work and innocent children become victims. But I refuse to give up on them. Hopes all things, endures all things.
I helped Kylee paint her room, and it was trying but fun. There were moments when me and her were on the ladder together, (scary I know) and I just smile at the memories we created. As this week continues to be stressful, crazy, and I am ready to yank my hair out or lose my temper I will remember this verse. At the end of the day… Love never fails.
This will probably be the only post I post this week due to our “moving” week. Life is so very crazy, and it is so easy to lose sight. I know I talk about this a lot, but I guess we have seasons where certain issues are more prevalent. I think mine maybe an “extended” season if you will. :-)
I started reading the bible from the beginning about the middle of last year. I am currently in Corinthians. I have re-read 1 Corinthians 13 so very many times, but for some reason when I read it this time it just meant so much more. I took the time to really read it, and let it sink in.
As we entered our “new” home this weekend, I wanted to turn around and just say forget it. This is too hard. This sucks. Love is patient, love is kind. It is so much simpler to take the easy way out…or is it? As I laid my head down that night I thought through the evenings events, and realized how ungrateful I may seem to my God. It is a house…our family is what will make it a home. All of us together, working together, getting on each others nerves etc. Though certain things may seem “simpler” they are not always what is right. They may seem easier now, but the consequences of trying to take the easy way out will always come back or follow us. Love does not insist on its own way.
It is so difficult not to want to take control, b/c right now I really don’t know where God is leading each of us. It comes down to trust. Love bears all things, believes all things.
I need to remember that Chelsey’s blood work came back better…my kids are healthy, we have options, my husband still loves me. (today anyway!) Some things that are going on in our (extended family still) life that I cannot go into detail about, but just knowing this system sometimes just doesn’t work and innocent children become victims. But I refuse to give up on them. Hopes all things, endures all things.
I helped Kylee paint her room, and it was trying but fun. There were moments when me and her were on the ladder together, (scary I know) and I just smile at the memories we created. As this week continues to be stressful, crazy, and I am ready to yank my hair out or lose my temper I will remember this verse. At the end of the day… Love never fails.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Tomorrow, what will you do with it?
This will be ever so brief...i have studied till my eyes are now crossed. Lots of things running through my mind...life, happiness, sadness, hopelessnes...as we know the list goes on.
O how we muddle our lives...oh how some things will never make sense. For tomorrow is another day..what shall I make of it? Everyday begins anew, what will I do with it? Every moment someone around us needs us, will I be there for them? Life will happen again tomorrow, will I do something differently?
Don't let anyone define who you are, don't let someone elses choices become your own. God is the only one who will never let you down even when you feel so alone.
Psalm 30:1-3
I will exalt you, O LORD, for you lifted me out of the depths and did not let my enemies gloat over me. O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.
O LORD, you brought me up from the grave you spared me from going down into the pit.
To my husband- happy 10years...we have so much more to learn and grow. May our Father be our guide always..thank you for listening to Him all these years even when I know you didn't want to.
Be a blessing...
O how we muddle our lives...oh how some things will never make sense. For tomorrow is another day..what shall I make of it? Everyday begins anew, what will I do with it? Every moment someone around us needs us, will I be there for them? Life will happen again tomorrow, will I do something differently?
Don't let anyone define who you are, don't let someone elses choices become your own. God is the only one who will never let you down even when you feel so alone.
Psalm 30:1-3
I will exalt you, O LORD, for you lifted me out of the depths and did not let my enemies gloat over me. O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.
O LORD, you brought me up from the grave you spared me from going down into the pit.
To my husband- happy 10years...we have so much more to learn and grow. May our Father be our guide always..thank you for listening to Him all these years even when I know you didn't want to.
Be a blessing...
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Progress...
Self-fulfilled prophesy. Do you know what that means? I have done it a lot in my life. I expect bad, dwell on bad, and ultimately the bad happens. I still do it, but I try to catch myself before I go too far with it, b/c it can be a cancer to me and those around me. We are all so blessed, but we lose focus b/c of our center of the universe is fixed on ME. Does that mean that I don’t have validated things going on? No, but if they consume me and I can’t see past them to anyone else it will lead me to sin even further.
At church today a man was baptized, but before that he gave his testimony. I felt that raw emotion. That gut wrenching, God help me, honesty. I remember that myself four years ago this month. I felt so close to my maker and the freedom it meant for all of those faccids I hid behind for years. I also felt that I don’t do that enough now…I need to. I need to be laying all of that is going on in my life at the altar and let God have the control.
As I have continued to bounce from 2 books by Max Lucado I am amazed at how much I tend to forget what was done for me. As I spoke to Anna today about some things that I struggle with I realized I am not alone. I have always had trust issues, and that I believe is one of the things that kept me from coming to Christ before. I have almost always been let down by parents, siblings, family, and friends. I have learned (not a good thing) to keep a certain amount of distance. It tends to hurt less. Or so my heart says…
I have nailed so many things to the cross…my drinking, my parents, anger, smoking...all the “big” ones to me. I started thinking today what do I move onto next? Three items came to mind: jealousy, envy, and yes again that little one called anger. Progress not perfection right??!
For years I believed that there was something wrong with me b/c I don’t have a ton of friends, very rarely have 1 close friend, and don’t really hang out with anyone but my intimate family. I berated myself, picked myself to pieces believing I was not worth the gum on the bottom of a shoe…damaged goods. I had to learn that God believed I was worthy and lovable. Can I even begin to tell you how unbelievably difficult that was?
Anyway my point is I have accepted who I am now. The good, the bad and the ugly. Now do I believe I don’t have much to work on? That would be an emphatic NO. I still have so much growing and learning to do, but one thing did change. I won’t compromise who I am to make anyone happy. I used to a lot, but for one I wasn’t good at it b/c I wear my heart on my sleeve, but also it made me feel very wrong and fake. I don’t go out of my way to approach people who are unapproachable. Some of that I do believe I need to work on b/c I can be a VERY unapproachable person, but for the most part you can tell when people could really care less what you have to say or think.
You can’t make everyone happy, and if you try you will die trying. The one who means the most is the one I need to be concerned with, and that one is God.
Micah 6:8
And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.
At church today a man was baptized, but before that he gave his testimony. I felt that raw emotion. That gut wrenching, God help me, honesty. I remember that myself four years ago this month. I felt so close to my maker and the freedom it meant for all of those faccids I hid behind for years. I also felt that I don’t do that enough now…I need to. I need to be laying all of that is going on in my life at the altar and let God have the control.
As I have continued to bounce from 2 books by Max Lucado I am amazed at how much I tend to forget what was done for me. As I spoke to Anna today about some things that I struggle with I realized I am not alone. I have always had trust issues, and that I believe is one of the things that kept me from coming to Christ before. I have almost always been let down by parents, siblings, family, and friends. I have learned (not a good thing) to keep a certain amount of distance. It tends to hurt less. Or so my heart says…
I have nailed so many things to the cross…my drinking, my parents, anger, smoking...all the “big” ones to me. I started thinking today what do I move onto next? Three items came to mind: jealousy, envy, and yes again that little one called anger. Progress not perfection right??!
For years I believed that there was something wrong with me b/c I don’t have a ton of friends, very rarely have 1 close friend, and don’t really hang out with anyone but my intimate family. I berated myself, picked myself to pieces believing I was not worth the gum on the bottom of a shoe…damaged goods. I had to learn that God believed I was worthy and lovable. Can I even begin to tell you how unbelievably difficult that was?
Anyway my point is I have accepted who I am now. The good, the bad and the ugly. Now do I believe I don’t have much to work on? That would be an emphatic NO. I still have so much growing and learning to do, but one thing did change. I won’t compromise who I am to make anyone happy. I used to a lot, but for one I wasn’t good at it b/c I wear my heart on my sleeve, but also it made me feel very wrong and fake. I don’t go out of my way to approach people who are unapproachable. Some of that I do believe I need to work on b/c I can be a VERY unapproachable person, but for the most part you can tell when people could really care less what you have to say or think.
You can’t make everyone happy, and if you try you will die trying. The one who means the most is the one I need to be concerned with, and that one is God.
Micah 6:8
And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Celebrate :-)
Well another week gone by, and some good news…smoke free for 24 hrs today! I celebrate only for the moment b/c it has been anything but easy. Probably harder than getting sober if you can believe that! Only by the grace of God…Praise Him!
With studying now, working, and just trying to get prepared for our big move has been overwhelming obviously more times than not in the last month and half. I can tell b/t the stress of it all, and my body adjusting to not having the nicotine nerves are very frayed. Emotions have been on high, and I know the kids and andrew have felt it more in the last 2 weeks than the whole time…I realized the other night after I had studied pretty much non-stop every night I needed to regroup. Stop. Open the good word and refuel on His truths for my life.
Does that mean smooth roads? Not in this life time! But refocusing on taking one day at a time, one issue at a time, and letting God do the rest is all I can humanly do for today.
Only He knows what tomorrow will bring.
I came across something to ponder. Again by Max Lucado-
“In every age of history, on every page of Scripture, the truth is revealed: God allows us to make our own choices. And no one delineates this more clearly than Jesus. According to him, we can choose:
A narrow gate or a wide gate (Matt. 7:13-14)
A narrow road or a wide road (Matt 7:13-14)
The big crowd or the small crowd (Matt. 7:13-14)
We also can choose to:
Build on rock or sand (Matt. 7:24-27)
Serve God or riches (Matt. 6:24)
Be numbered among the sheep or the goats (Matt. 25:32-33)
How much more of a clearer picture do I need? We can never say we don’t have a choice…
Be a blessing.
With studying now, working, and just trying to get prepared for our big move has been overwhelming obviously more times than not in the last month and half. I can tell b/t the stress of it all, and my body adjusting to not having the nicotine nerves are very frayed. Emotions have been on high, and I know the kids and andrew have felt it more in the last 2 weeks than the whole time…I realized the other night after I had studied pretty much non-stop every night I needed to regroup. Stop. Open the good word and refuel on His truths for my life.
Does that mean smooth roads? Not in this life time! But refocusing on taking one day at a time, one issue at a time, and letting God do the rest is all I can humanly do for today.
Only He knows what tomorrow will bring.
I came across something to ponder. Again by Max Lucado-
“In every age of history, on every page of Scripture, the truth is revealed: God allows us to make our own choices. And no one delineates this more clearly than Jesus. According to him, we can choose:
A narrow gate or a wide gate (Matt. 7:13-14)
A narrow road or a wide road (Matt 7:13-14)
The big crowd or the small crowd (Matt. 7:13-14)
We also can choose to:
Build on rock or sand (Matt. 7:24-27)
Serve God or riches (Matt. 6:24)
Be numbered among the sheep or the goats (Matt. 25:32-33)
How much more of a clearer picture do I need? We can never say we don’t have a choice…
Be a blessing.
Monday, July 2, 2007
So very selfish!
Well it has been a moment since I last wrote on here. As always my life is never boring! It has been stressful, eye-opening, and more understanding is always revealed if I allow myself to see it!
I found out in the last couple of weeks how slowly our system works even though the facts are staring so plainly in the face it may blind them, and seeing how SO many children are left in the wake of our “going by the book” methods. I have never felt so helpless and hopeless. I had to walk away and all I could think about was I know God loves these children, but why do they have to endure this pain and hardship? Hard one to explain to my children as well…
I have started back to school, I am also in the process of quitting smoking, we are moving in about 3 weeks, my job just moved locations today…do I need to go on? In the midst of this I have one get a way; I read. I have tried very hard to give my children the love of reading, and gratefully they do! We love to go to the library. It is something they look forward to so much that they remind me we are going that day at least 3-4 times! Anyway, I found a book that has been one of those aha moments, and a much needed read for myself.
It is “A Love Worth Giving” by Max Lucado. I have highlighted, taken notes like crazy in this book. Some food for thought and reminders that stood out I wanted to share. One is a something by the apostle Paul... “Selfishness is an obsession with self that excludes others, hurting everyone.” And following that Lucado says “Looking after your personal interests is proper life management. Doing so to the exclusion of the rest of the world is selfishness.” Ouch. For me, I know how selfish I can be sometimes especially when my whole world around me is utter and complete chaos.
I also know that I tend to focus more on all of the negative things in my life during this chaos, forgetting what God has done for me. He brought me up from the pit of hell, and gave me life. He has blessed me time and time again…do I deserve it? No, but He does it lovingly. Always welcomes me back when I turn my back on Him. What other person in our lives would do that time and time again willingly with no resentments, fears, untrust etc..?? None that I know of. Trying to get out of “self” is an everyday uphill battle. It is our human nature to think of number 1. That is how I was taught. I don’t want to teach that to my children.
Nothing in this life is worth holding onto… I thought long and hard about that the other day. All the things we gather homes, cars, clothes, jewelry, photos, the list goes on the meaning behind some of those items I get, but we put so much stock in those things “making who we are”, that the line is blurred on who we are serving. That brings me full circle to the question; “am I serving myself in all I do or am I serving others as Jesus did?” Does the world have to always revolve around me and what is going on in my life or can I take my eyes off me me me, and focus on asking someone else how they are doing? Or is there anything they need? As I type this I had another aha moment. One person I know I see almost daily always asks me how I am doing, and I almost always have something negative to say b/c of crazy life right now. What does that say about me? What does that say about my walk? Ugh…work in progress.
Ephesians 5:1-2 Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
I found out in the last couple of weeks how slowly our system works even though the facts are staring so plainly in the face it may blind them, and seeing how SO many children are left in the wake of our “going by the book” methods. I have never felt so helpless and hopeless. I had to walk away and all I could think about was I know God loves these children, but why do they have to endure this pain and hardship? Hard one to explain to my children as well…
I have started back to school, I am also in the process of quitting smoking, we are moving in about 3 weeks, my job just moved locations today…do I need to go on? In the midst of this I have one get a way; I read. I have tried very hard to give my children the love of reading, and gratefully they do! We love to go to the library. It is something they look forward to so much that they remind me we are going that day at least 3-4 times! Anyway, I found a book that has been one of those aha moments, and a much needed read for myself.
It is “A Love Worth Giving” by Max Lucado. I have highlighted, taken notes like crazy in this book. Some food for thought and reminders that stood out I wanted to share. One is a something by the apostle Paul... “Selfishness is an obsession with self that excludes others, hurting everyone.” And following that Lucado says “Looking after your personal interests is proper life management. Doing so to the exclusion of the rest of the world is selfishness.” Ouch. For me, I know how selfish I can be sometimes especially when my whole world around me is utter and complete chaos.
I also know that I tend to focus more on all of the negative things in my life during this chaos, forgetting what God has done for me. He brought me up from the pit of hell, and gave me life. He has blessed me time and time again…do I deserve it? No, but He does it lovingly. Always welcomes me back when I turn my back on Him. What other person in our lives would do that time and time again willingly with no resentments, fears, untrust etc..?? None that I know of. Trying to get out of “self” is an everyday uphill battle. It is our human nature to think of number 1. That is how I was taught. I don’t want to teach that to my children.
Nothing in this life is worth holding onto… I thought long and hard about that the other day. All the things we gather homes, cars, clothes, jewelry, photos, the list goes on the meaning behind some of those items I get, but we put so much stock in those things “making who we are”, that the line is blurred on who we are serving. That brings me full circle to the question; “am I serving myself in all I do or am I serving others as Jesus did?” Does the world have to always revolve around me and what is going on in my life or can I take my eyes off me me me, and focus on asking someone else how they are doing? Or is there anything they need? As I type this I had another aha moment. One person I know I see almost daily always asks me how I am doing, and I almost always have something negative to say b/c of crazy life right now. What does that say about me? What does that say about my walk? Ugh…work in progress.
Ephesians 5:1-2 Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
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