So very selfish!

Well it has been a moment since I last wrote on here. As always my life is never boring! It has been stressful, eye-opening, and more understanding is always revealed if I allow myself to see it!

I found out in the last couple of weeks how slowly our system works even though the facts are staring so plainly in the face it may blind them, and seeing how SO many children are left in the wake of our “going by the book” methods. I have never felt so helpless and hopeless. I had to walk away and all I could think about was I know God loves these children, but why do they have to endure this pain and hardship? Hard one to explain to my children as well…

I have started back to school, I am also in the process of quitting smoking, we are moving in about 3 weeks, my job just moved locations today…do I need to go on? In the midst of this I have one get a way; I read. I have tried very hard to give my children the love of reading, and gratefully they do! We love to go to the library. It is something they look forward to so much that they remind me we are going that day at least 3-4 times! Anyway, I found a book that has been one of those aha moments, and a much needed read for myself.

It is “A Love Worth Giving” by Max Lucado. I have highlighted, taken notes like crazy in this book. Some food for thought and reminders that stood out I wanted to share. One is a something by the apostle Paul... “Selfishness is an obsession with self that excludes others, hurting everyone.” And following that Lucado says “Looking after your personal interests is proper life management. Doing so to the exclusion of the rest of the world is selfishness.” Ouch. For me, I know how selfish I can be sometimes especially when my whole world around me is utter and complete chaos.

I also know that I tend to focus more on all of the negative things in my life during this chaos, forgetting what God has done for me. He brought me up from the pit of hell, and gave me life. He has blessed me time and time again…do I deserve it? No, but He does it lovingly. Always welcomes me back when I turn my back on Him. What other person in our lives would do that time and time again willingly with no resentments, fears, untrust etc..?? None that I know of. Trying to get out of “self” is an everyday uphill battle. It is our human nature to think of number 1. That is how I was taught. I don’t want to teach that to my children.

Nothing in this life is worth holding onto… I thought long and hard about that the other day. All the things we gather homes, cars, clothes, jewelry, photos, the list goes on the meaning behind some of those items I get, but we put so much stock in those things “making who we are”, that the line is blurred on who we are serving. That brings me full circle to the question; “am I serving myself in all I do or am I serving others as Jesus did?” Does the world have to always revolve around me and what is going on in my life or can I take my eyes off me me me, and focus on asking someone else how they are doing? Or is there anything they need? As I type this I had another aha moment. One person I know I see almost daily always asks me how I am doing, and I almost always have something negative to say b/c of crazy life right now. What does that say about me? What does that say about my walk? Ugh…work in progress.

Ephesians 5:1-2 Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.